The Second Hand Unwinds
by UnderneathTheRose
Summary: Sequal to Time After Time. After Raito's trajedy with the Time Note, L will take his turn. Will he make a differance this time, or will he walk the same path as Raito did?
1. Dont leave me alone in this bed

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.

Author Note: This is the sequel to my story 'Time After Time', if you haven't read it, you might want to go back and start there. If you dont you might just get a little confused.

Warnings: Heavy angst in this first chapter

* * *

The weather forecast for the Kanto region predicted a rain storm from the hours of three a.m. to twelve p.m. Yagami Raito's funeral was to be held at eleven a.m. So much for Lawliet's hope for sunshine. But somehow, in some way, it felt befitting. As if the heavens were in mourning for him as well.

Standing before the mirror in what used to be the room he shared with the teen, Lawliet began tying his new two hundred dollar tie, and wiggled his toes inside his shoes. He didn't like suits. They always managed to suck the comfort out of him and reduce his thinking process by nearly sixty percent.

However, he knew Raito would have liked this suit. The color was a deep midnight black, with a hand made red tie. Lawliet knew he did not look good in the color red, and that he never would, but this was for his friend.

He smiled at himself, realizing that he had tied the silky thread around his neck in near perfection. No one had ever taught L Lawliet how to tie a tie, for there was never any reason, but he had watched Raito enough times to learn.

Tears began to water in his eyes now as he gazed into the mirror, memories playing like silent home movies in his head. Raito was smiling, and moving his lips, but there were no words coming out of his mouth. He had brushed those auburn strands out of his face and looked over at his father with obvious respect and love.

L sucked in a deep breath, filling his lungs with the rain air coming in through the open window, and closed his eyes. He wanted to make sounds and words come out of Raito's mouth. He wanted to make Raito real again. He wanted-

_Knock. _

_Knock._

"The limo is ready L." Watari's tired, exhausted voice, drifted from behind the closed bedroom door.

"Thank you Watari." L moved to the door and opened it with a small smile. Watari had been there for him the past week, holding him, cradling him, as he cried through out the long nights. He owed Watari a vacation, he knew he did, but a vacation meant that L would have to be alone.

Alone was a weird word for L. He had always been alone, even when he stood in a crowded room filled with people.

Even though they hated one another, tried to kill and capture one another, Raito was the only other person in the world who could understand that. He knew what it felt like to be different, to not fit in, to be socially inept. Raito possessed the skill, but he held the world away at arms length. L had the world in his palm, but he lacked the skill.

An odd combination. But an odd combination that might have worked.

Inside the temple, the entire Yagami family was there. Among them were those who respected and cared for the Yagamis. There was Aizawa, Mogi, Ide, Matsuda, L and Watari.

There was also a number of students from To-oh University who were there as friends of Yagami Raito.

L smirked inwardly. They weren't Raito's friends. The thought made him squeeze the photograph in his hand, crinkling the middle where the face of an amber eyed young boy was smiling. He squeezed till his nails pushed into the skin on his palm. He fought back the tears by forcing himself to look up at the pure white casket in front of them.

In all his funeral planning, Soichiro had specifically made sure it was white casket his son was placed in to. Perhaps it gave him that final sense of satisfaction, knowing Raito was truly innocent, for L didn't bother to tell him anything other than his son was murdered by Kira.

L had figured, in an awkward sort of truth, Raito had been. Kira had become an alternate personality inside of Raito. Kira had been the one desiring power and making new worlds. Raito was an ordinary teenager who happened to allow curiosity and boredom to ruin his life, and in the very end, he probably realized it a little too late.

Starring at the casket, L noticed how lovingly it was covered in flowers and fruit, all in memory and respect for Raito. There was a school photo on the table beside the casket, with little white envelops, all tied with silver ribbons for the family.

In Japan, it was customary to leave an envelop filled with money to help the grieving family cover funeral costs. L's contribution had been a blank check for Soichiro. Whatever the money didn't cover, L would. That was the least he could do.

L didn't know what sort of pain Soichiro and his family were going through. He knew the pain he was feeling, which was felt like someone ripped his heart out of his chest and threw it into oblivion. He was feeling all that, and he had only known Raito for such a short time. He couldn't image knowing Raito from the day he was born, and raising him, holding him, then losing him only eighteen years later. It just wasn't fair.

Unable to take it anymore, L rose from his seat, grabbed his umbrella and poking the photograph into his pocket as he made a quick exit. He couldn't stand crowds no more than he could stand to wear shoes or a suit.

As he left the Buddhist temple, leaving Watari behind inside, he decided to take a stroll. It was not like the family could be insulted. L didn't exist in their world. He never did.

The wind blew stiff with the rain, making it difficult to open the umbrella. L gave up and let it go. It bounced around the ground before the wind carried it off down the street like a kite.

L looked up at the dark, grey sky, rain spattering against his face, and closed his eyes. He was human. He could feel the rain. He wondered if Raito could feel it in Mu… He knew he didn't.

"What are you doing Ryuzaki?" L closed his eyes, his body and mind traveling back in time, to a time when he and Raito had spent several long moments on the roof.

As L turned to see who was behind him, to his dismay, he saw it was only Soichiro.

"I am standing in the rain." He told him.

"More like a storm. You should come inside. You'll catch a cold."

L looked Soichiro over. His brown chocolate eyes were outlined in red from all the crying, and his mouth and forehead had a million and one new wrinkles. His clothes looked thrown together in that last minute of struggling to live on. L knew that last minute so well.

"I could say that same to you Yagami. Please, I wish to be left alone."

Soichiro pressed on, not caring, he had to say this. "I think you were the first person Raito could feel a possible connection with. Raito grew up with the feeling he was too different. I think you were his first real friend as well. If that's worth anything at all."

L couldn't lie. He was a little shocked to hear that. He hunched his shoulders and tried not to cry, or at least let Soichiro know he was crying.

Gently, but loud enough for Raito's father to hear, L admitted, "I can take the fact that he's gone. Everyone dies. I can deal with never saying goodbye. Goodbyes never amounts to anything in the end. What gets me….what's too painful…is knowing I should have saved him. Knowing I could have, if only I'd listened to him. Knowing all of the 'could have been's."

For L those 'could have been's were so unfair. He was forced with the reality that he could, and did, love Raito in a hundred and one different ways with no really good reasons for why.

It was just a story, a story told by Raito. It had to be true, but L didn't live it like Raito did. Up until then he didn't think he had anything for Raito but an enormous amount of respect and suspicion. Now he was faced with love and it was too late.

Raito was gone.

The wind blew hard, nearly pushing the two men off their feet. Soichiro didn't know what to say. He had no words to something like that. All his life he was tough. He was taught how to stand strong, but now, now, he felt like he could fall and never get up. Uncharacteristically, Soichiro grabbed L from behind, and hugged the detective close to his body.

L tried to pull away at first, but when his body recognized the warmth from Soichiro he let himself relax. If Raito had lived, if he had reached his full height, his full body mass, his father's age, would his hugs be so warm and so strong?

"You we're probably the best thing that happened to him Ryuzaki. For that, I thank you. I thank you so much for being a friend to my son. That's all that matters to me now."

Soichiro let go of L's thin frame. He shook his hand as strong as he could, then left L alone as the detective had wished.

L stood there freezing from the wind and gazing around. His suit was ruined but that didn't matter much. He pulled the photo from his pocket, holding onto to it for dear life as the wind tried desperately to steal it away.

He looked deep into those amber shaded eyes that sparkled so young and full of life as he began to cry much harder. "Raito… Raito you're dead…..and I, I can't tell you. That's what hurts most of all. I can never say it loud enough for you to hear me."

The wind pushed around L, fighting against him. L let it win this time, and let the photograph go. It left him, joining the leaves and rain drops swirling around in the wind. He watched as it twirled and flipped, and floated away till he could not longer see it in the distance.

*()*()*()*

Damn bird. Damn annoying bird. L turned over onto his side, trying to get back to sleep but the chirping was nonstop. There should be a law about chirping so early in the morning. He pulled the blanket over his head. How was he suppose to get some rest if that bird was having a concert outside?

A memory of Raito flooded the room. L could almost hear the voice next to him, "L come one! You didn't even allow me to go to sleep till after two. How can I work with so little sleep? You want me to pass out?"

L regretted not allowing the teen to sleep. He sighed now, feeling that familiar tug in his chest and felt the tears beginning their trail down his pale cheeks. L was sure those tears had worn out their welcome. He was so tired of crying.

"L!" The detective jumped. It wasn't Raito's voice, but Mello's. "L! Get up! Your sleeping the day away."

Moving back at Wammy's might not have been such a good idea. L groaned and sat up, raven hair falling into his eyes and face. He brought the back of his hand up to wipe at his cheeks. "Mello…go find Near or Matt. Leave me be."

"No! You've been sleeping for days. Get up." With that Mello opened the door without permission, entering L's bedroom along with Near and Matt who followed in toe.

Near stayed in the door way, twirling white hair around a finger. Matt leaned against the window playing his PSP as if he was pretending he was in another world, which L figured wasn't really pretending. Matt tended to disappear when he had a game, and he had a game whenever he felt too uncomfortable to deal with whatever reality was throwing at him, just like Near did with his dice.

Mello on the other hand, threw himself into L's recliner and bit into a chocolate candy bar. "You've done nothing but sleep in here for days. You ever going to take a case again or what?"

"Mello, I need time to mourn. My friend just-"

"DIED. We know. But that was over a month ago." He informed. "You can't just lay in bed like life itself walked out on you."

If Mello only knew how true his words were.

" You three boys are generous, however, I know Watari sent you in here. Please, find someway to entertain yourselves."

Matt's hand suddenly rose. "I am entertaining myself. I told everyone to just leave you alone. But no one listens to Matt."

Near's voice came low and smooth. "I listen to you Matt."

Mello's eyes slanted in jealousy. "Stupid, little, albino freak. No one asked you to listen to Matt. He has me. _I _listen to him."

"Oh really?" Near sneered. "This morning, what level did he announce to the whole table that he reached? What level did he scream as he jumped from the table spilling his milk in the process?"

Mello's faced dropped as he tried to remember. "Sixty……..something…"

"Just as I thought. Too busy eating chocolate and gaining wait."

"Hey! Using your brain can-"

"Yes, but you do not use your brain."

L had enough of it. He tossed the blankets aside, and got out of bed finding his shoes. He laced them time before leaving the three, well really two, to bicker out their arguing over Matt. If you pushed past how annoying they were about it, it was actually cute to see Mello and Near fight over Matt. Matt was a lucky boy.

L found the kitchen filled with a chocolate cake at the table, and Watari, who was sipping coffee. "Hello L." He said brightly. "Decided to wake from the dead did you?"

Ryuk's laughter echoed above L. "Hyuk hyuk… dead…get it?"

L glared up at the rough shinigami eating an apple. "Don't you have better things to do than follow me about?"

"Nope."

L sighed. That damned shinigami was a major pain in L's ass. How did Raito deal with him for so long? "I believe, Watari, that I deserved that long rest."

"Yes, you did L." Watari answered, ignoring the shinigami only L could see and hear. "I have noticed, as of lately, you seem a lot stronger."

"It takes a lot to force myself to get up and dress but I-"

"No. I mean in general. Since my entire time I've known you. You have changed. You are stronger, harder, quicker."

The muscles in his body tensed. "Is that a good thing Watari?"

"I like to think so."

"Thank you then."

The two shared a small short smile, then L watched as Watari cut a slice of cake. "Would you like tea L?"

"No. No im not hungry. You eat it Watari. I have something I'd like to do."

L made his way outside. It was winter, cold and dreary, typical December weather for pretty much no matter where you lived. The sun was hidden behind dark clouds as the wind blew his black hair into his vision as he scanned Wammy's enormous yard. Children were running around in a snow ball fight, giggling and screaming.

A clump of snow, suddenly missed it's intended target and smacked into L's arm, crumbling into nothing as it fell back down to the earth. Shocked, the few scattered students held there breath.

L never played in the snow. Not once. It was wet, cold and in his opinion disgusting. But for some reason he bent over, scooping the snow into his ungloved hands and gently tossed the snow ball at the young girl's feet. She smiled scooping up snow and hit another boy in the game.

L watched as the students all forgot he was there as they ran off to continue the battle of snow.

"Hey L, you're starting to get a bit boring." Ryuk complained, reminding L he was floating just above his head. "Raito would have used that death note by now."

"I never plan on using the Death Note Ryuk, that I can assure you."

"Huh. That's no fun. Well, you're just boring!"

L chuckled, his shoulders shaking gently. "I said I was never going to use the Death Note. I said nothing about the Time Note. Tell me Ryuk, would you follow me through out time?"

"Oh yeah. I'd have to. It's the rules."

"Hm." L walked out to the lake near the older boy's dormitories. He walked down to the edge of the dock. The water was iced over and covered with snow, keeping L's reflection impossible for him to see.

L had never bothered to read the rules of the Time Note. Sitting alone on the docks with Ryuk and the cold wind for company, L figured he could now do that. Before it had been to painful, much too painful.

He lifted his shirt carefully to pull out the Time Note where he had hid it between his abdomen, and his jeans. Watari had believed it was hidden with the Death Note in a secret vault, but L couldn't let that happen. Not when he had too many plans.

* * *

A/N: I went back and corrected a bunch of mistakes I made when writing. For instance the weather. It should be winter, not summer. Also I fixed some grammer problems. I am so very very sorry! If you spot something I didn't, let me know.


	2. I will erase it all

Disclaimer: Not my property. Purely fan made.

**Very Long Author Note And Apology: **The wait for this story is due to the horrible mistakes I made in the first chapter. For one, it should have been winter, not "sunny" as I described. It was one month after Raito died, so that date should have been December 5th. So, I corrected chapter one by changing the weather's description. Feel free to reread chapter one, but it is not necessary for the only thing changed is the weather, no real major events. The game of kickball was switched to a snow ball fight. That's it really. If you can catch any other mistakes, let me know. I want to correct it.

* * *

Closing the Time Note, L could almost hear Raito's voice when he recited Ryuk saying , "_You can go into the future, but you risk not having the Time Note with you. No one can foresee what hasn't been." _That meant if L had any chance at saving Raito, he would need to be as precise as possible, not taking any chances. But that seemed a little unfair. There had to be some way to assure the ownership of the Time Note even when the past was changed.

Ryuk waited impatiently as he watched the raven haired mad silently carry out a private debate within his mind. The wind was blowing cool air through his hair while the twenty-five year old genius sat on the docks looking like he was contemplating the next move in a game of chess.

Of course, to L, this idea of time travel _was_ like a game of chess. The butterfly effect was dangerous. If L made a wrong move, he could cause a drastic change in the time that he knew so well. Much worse, he could cause the death of a loved one. In a sense, losing a chess piece during the game.

In chess you had to keep your King protected at all times, as well as make moves that not only attacked your opponent's King, but kept your other pieces safe. For L, the king represented Raito, and his other pieces were mostly made up of Matt, Mello, Near, Watari and Roger. He had to protect Raito without ruining the lives of anyone around them.

After several moments of boring silence, the shinigami shouted, "Hey, you going to write in it or not?"

"You will find shinigami, that I do not rush into a situation. It is better to be prepared."

"Ok, but that's-"

"Borin." L finished, insensitive to the shinigami's complaints. L asked, "Is there a deal I can make with you to ensure my complete ownership of this Time Note? With the Death Note I can trade my eyes to see a person's true name. If I change the past, then travel to the future, which is our current present, I have an extreme possibility of losing the Time Note. How may I ensure that I do not lose it?" L's eyes drifted up to gaze into the monster's eyes for a long moment. "Surely, there is a way." He almost begged.

Ryuk's shoulders shook as he laughed, "Yeah, you can make a deal."

"What item will you receive in return? Half of my lifespan?"

"Yep, but don't think that if you go back in time, and decide to stay there, that you will be young again. With the Time Note, time will move around the owner, not with him."

"I see."

"But I don't really see the point in your case. And don't ask because I'm not going to tell you what it is."

"I was not going to ask." L was aware of the life expectancy for men from his country. He did not need some death god to inform him of his life span. He was twenty-five years old now, with, most likely, one forth of his life span already gone by. If the statistics were correct on the male life span of men in England anyways. So it you took away half of what was left, L would be left with a very short time to live.

He wondered, was Raito really worth losing his life over?

Well, if _L_ was worth Raito losing _his_ life over, then yes, Raito was worth it.

L stood and faced the shinigami Ryuk. "I wish to make the deal with you." He spoke with such confidence yet, he truly had none. He was in fear of what would happen. If he failed… no. He wouldn't think of that now. Now he would just concentrate on going back, on saving Raito.

Ryuk gave a sly smile, revealing his sharp, intimidating teeth, before laughing that strange , 'Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk' that L found overly annoying.

(*)(*)(*)(*)

The ground seemed to move, twisting and turning under his feet and yet, it didn't. He could not describe the feelings or sensations of traveling, as it all strangely happened so fast he felt he missed it. And maybe, for the sake of his mentality, it was a good thing.

Feeling a little dizzy and sick, as L was never one for motion sickness, he steadied himself before looking around and finding himself standing outside of Raito's high school.

The date: December 5th 2003.

Glancing around, and seeing no one but Ryuk and himself, L realized the classes must still be in cession. That was good, L could 'get in and get out' as the overly used cliché went.

He suddenly remembered how Raito had recalled seeing the Death Note fall past the window as if falling from the sky. Looking at each individual window, L squinted tightly against the bright rays of the sun looking specifically for a seventeen year old Raito.

And there he was. Sitting at his desk, face resting on his hand, obviously bored out of his mind. L felt a warmth of something growing inside of him as he saw that pretty, auburn haired teen. The detective almost could not believe his very own eyes. It took all of his strength to keep himself from running to the boy, taking him into his arms and holding him so tight Raito would not be able to breath.

Raito was _alive _again. _Alive. _Not buried. Not just a memory. Not a haunting voice in L's mind, but a breathing body of flesh and blood.

Lost completely in the overly raw moment, L almost forgot what he was doing there when a hard, lithe object landed before his feet, making a small flopping noise as it hit the dirt.

The Death Note.

Picking it up between his thumb and index finger, L held the notebook as a chill ran throughout his veins. He was standing where Raito stood when Raito picked up the Death Note. For some reason it scared him. He had to ask himself, what if it had been him instead of Raito?

_I didn't believe it at first. I thought it was a sick practical joke..._

L frowned hearing Raito's voice echoing in his memories. Maybe he would have thought it was a sick practical joke too. He'd like to think he would toss the notebook in the nearest trash can. But of course, he could now never know, and maybe that was for the better.

L looked up again at the tall building's window, this time to find the teen staring straight into his black eyes. Overwhelmed, L nearly dropped the note book. He wished he could stay to greet Raito when class let out, and to hopefully touch him, just gently, even if Raito would have no idea who he was, but there was no reason to interfere with the time line in that sense.

Even if it hurt like hell.

As the school bell rang, L groaned, and teens of all ages and grades escaped from the school building in loud, talkative groups. He hesitated, hoping to see Raito exit as well, but the outside crowd was only growing larger. L's discomfort of social interaction with strangers began to crawl under his skin, pecking at his brain and telling him to go, to leave, to get away.

So he did. L's feet picked up and he pushed through the crowd mumbling gently "excuse me" over and over as he picked up speed to get away.

"Is that all?" Ryuk whined as he flew above the panicking detective. "You're just going to pick it up and take it with you? That's not very interesting."

"Or very hard." L noted, pointing out that this may be only the beginning. He knew taking the note might not be enough. Neither was getting it as far from Raito as possible.

"Hey!" A voice close behind yelled. "Hey, wait!"

The voice sounded like…

L stole a quick glance over his shoulder to see Raito following behind him curiously trying to catch up to the strange man. Panicking again, L continued his run down the street as he held onto the Death Note while trying to pull the Time Note out of his hiding place beneath his clothes.

Holding onto both notebooks, while grabbing his pen from his back pocket, he flipped the time note open while continuing to run. It all proved to be the biggest physical struggle L ever faced in his life. The hardest task in the mix, seemed to be balancing it all. He was growing out of breath, and his brain was working over time, trying to picture Wammy's docks on the lake. He began struggling to scribble, _De..cember…5__th__…2004... _

As the final digit was marked in the notebook, once again the earth turned, whirling and twisting like a horrible nightmare, and L found himself standing on the docks of Whammy's school. Out of breath, dizzy, hair in disarray, and both notebooks safely in his hands, he leaned over the docks, and vomited hard.

* * *

Author Note: What do you think? I know everything went pretty fast in this chapter but the next chapter is already half written and you will get to see what will happen if Raito never picked up the Death Note ^ ^ In my opinion anyways... Oh and the male life expectancy for a man in England is eighty(if my research is correct). So if you do the math, that equals fifteen years left for L...


	3. Back to the disaster

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, I am only borrowing the characters for entertainment.

Author Note: I had some free time today in class, so I finished up chapter three and typed it up for you guys. Hope you enjoy it.

* * *

The sky was the same winter grey, the children's laughing as they continued their snow ball fight was the same, his body, other than vomiting, felt the same, but something was not the same. L wiped his mouth, shuttering slightly as he tried to relax his body from the motion sickness. He let his eyes drift around, trying to see if he caused any damage to Wammy's. Nothing appeared to be changed. The building stood tall just as it did before. But didn't he learn very well from Raito that nothing was ever as it seemed?

L stood, slipping both notebooks inside his hiding place. It was uncomfortable to have the thickness of both notebooks under his shirt and rubbing against the skin over his abs, but he shrugged it off. Once inside, he could easily dispose of the Death Note.

As he walked the distance from the docks to the door, Ryuk began his banter of complaints, "Is that really all? That can't be all. That was too quick. Do something else."

"I took the Death Note from Raito. He never found it, therefore the Kira case never existed. No one knows about you but me. So I will have to ask you to refrain from speaking to me, or, in the very least, be prepared to have me not answer to anything that you say. If people see me talking to myself they will question my sanity. Does Ryuk understand?"

Ryuk huffed in annoyance at L's child like tone. "Keep on thinking with that attitude. You forget that just because you have half your remaining life span, does not mean I can't write your name down anytime I want."

L was a little surprised by the threat, but he said nothing as he stepped through Wammy's front doors. He went strait to the kitchen were a cake and a basket full of apples always awaited anyone's appetite. L was glad to see they were still there. Grabbing the biggest red apple in the bunch, he tossed it in the air. "Satisfied?"

Ryuk caught the juicy fruit, munched happily, and said nothing. L smirked. _Typical of you_, he thought.

"Ah, L! There you are." L turned to see Watari making his way into the kitchen with a hand full of files. "I have been looking for you. I have one you will definitely be interested in for sure this time."

"And what is that, Watari?"

"A case of course. Now look at this." The older man sat at the table, spreading his files out for L to see.

L knew this would happen, because it had happened before. Without Kira to focus on, he was bored. He could remember just before Kira, how he was finding every case to be exhausting and tedious. Then Kira had announced himself to the world and made things interesting again. Kira was an unsolvable case, a direct challenge. Without Kira, L was back to the repetitive murderers, thieves, and psychopaths who were all too predictable. "Watari, do you think we could perhaps discuss this later?"

A little startled, the old man nodded. L didn't wait for him to speak, he cut himself a slice of cake, before asking where the boys were.

"I believe all three are in the game room. Mello and Near are competing in a game of chess. Matt is lounging on the couch."

The three successors, in their usual positions.

L shivered. He remembered Raito describing, in full graphic detail, the death of two. Raito had mentioned Near's cold, calculating methods, Mello's emotional meltdown at having finally won, and Matt getting shot to death. Looking back, L never really spent quality time with them. He had expected, with their IQ's, that they could look out for themselves, learn right from wrong at Wammy's, and become just like him, following his footsteps.

Clearly, he had made an error. "I believe I will go join them."

Watari looked up from his files confused. _L… wants, to join them? _Had Watari's old ears heard correctly? "Join them, L?"

"Yes." L took the first bite of his cake. It was a creamy, delicious, chocolaty cake with a thin layer of strawberry frosting hidden in the middle. It three more bites it was all gone and L was left with the amazing aftertaste and crumbs. "We will discuss the new case later."

"Very well. We will be leaving for the United States in just a few hours. The FBI is already awaiting your arrival."

L sighed as he moved to the game room from the kitchen. The Federal Bureau of Investigations. They were not the easiest people to get along with. However, L could take some comfort in knowing Naomi Misora should still be alive. Thanks to the Time Note, Kira never happened. She was probably married by now to Ray Penber, who was also still alive.

"Check." Near twirled a strand of hair with a smirk.

Mello growled, his fist bashing against the table and knocking Near's queen over. If he lost this game, Near would have won three times in a row. How was this little snot capable of winning _everything_?

L watched Mello's eyes from the door way fascinated. Those yellow eyes were glowing with a small rage. The boy was getting angry over a board game. Perhaps a lesson was in order. L stepped behind Mello, and leaned down to his ear whispering, "Move your knight up two spaces and to the left."

Mello was more than a little stunned. L never helped in a game of chess, and he didn't stick around to see the outcome. He moved to the couch where Matt was cursing at his video game.

"Die! Haha I got you now! You can run but Matt will-" L snatched the game console from the teens hands, switching it off.

"What the? Hey!"

"Video games rot the mind."

"That's just what some loser said because he could never win."

"That may be true, however, try to spend more time with Mello and Near. Play the winner."

Matt rolled his eyes. "No way. They are way too competitive. Besides, I can never beat them. I'm better at action and diving in head on. Chess is not action. It's plotting ahead." With that said the teen snatched his game back mumbling something about having to start all over again.

Ryuk's eyes started to go wide. "Raito and I use to play video games. Hey you should show him the Death Note so I can play too."

L ignored the ignorance coming from the shinigami's lips. He looked at all three disappointed in himself. The were already following in his footsteps weren't they? They each had an addiction, and they each had their own worlds.

Well, L was going to have to fix that. He snatched the game back.

"Hey!"

"You will do as I say." These boy will become closer. If L and Kira could fall in love, then Near, Mello, and Matt could be friends. "Near? After you have won, play against Matt. That is not a choice."

Matt groaned, Near smiled, and Mello's left eye twitched.

L hid Matt's game in the drawer of his desk inside his personal office, as well as pulling out a lighter from said drawer. L had locked the door behind him, and now he closed the window's curtains. All alone in the small room he glanced around. He recognized everything. His computer, the mouse pad with the red, decorative strawberry design, the rather large copy of Rembrandt's "Night Wish" handing on the wall, and a silver tea trey, but no photograph of Raito. No, the office was simple, cold, and without evidence that he and Raito were once aware of one another.

He pulled both notes from the space between his pants, laying the Time Note on the desk, and holding the Death Note between index finger and thumb. He took a breath, then clicked the lighter, watching the little flame dance.

As he allowed the red-orange flame brush against the bottom right corner of the note, Ryuk began to cry, "No! Why are you burning it?!"

"I have to." Came the calm, cracking voice.

L laid the note on the empty tea trey, and watched the flame eat away at the pages, leaving nothing but vulnerable ashes.

"Whatever. That's not going to get rid of it. I have to haunt you until your death, or until you give up ownership of the Time Note."

"I didn't do it for you." L's black eyes rimmed with tears. Saving Raito meant giving up Raito. He had known that all along, but still there was a heavy, painful burning inside that ached and in everything Watari taught L, there was never a lesson in how to stop the hurting.

Would it ever go away?

Throwing himself into his chair, L drew his knees into his chest protectively. He had no photo of Raito now. Only his memories. He closed his eyes picturing the face. In a few years time would take it's toll, and the face, the smell, the laugh, the sharp tongue, would all disappear. L wouldn't remember Raito anymore. Not as he truly was.

Suddenly, L dropped his knees and grabbed the mouse as he realized what he could do. He could pull up Raito's permanent record, print a copy of his school ID, and frame it. He, of course, would need to hide the photo to keep another from seeing it, but he would have a permanent image of the seventeen year old. No one and nothing could take that from him, ever.

L typed and clicked until the name Yagami Raito was displayed in bold print. It told him everything he already knew. As he waited for the printer to give him a copy of the 5x7 photograph, L's curiosity peaked. He scrolled down to find that Raito was still majoring in law. His grades were perfect as expected, not a single grade below an 'A'. But something caught L's eyes and took away his breath.

Yagami Raito's attendance was terrible. He missed at least three classes a week with no excuses. L clicked out of Raito's school records to his health records. No hospital visits through out the entire year.

Why was he missing classes? Raito had always been a diligent student. What was going on? Had Raito gotten bored of school?

Maybe.

But he had always wanted to be a man of the law.

L clicked around, looking more into Raito's personal date. That's when he saw it, and the word's hit him like a dagger.

Yagami Raito was placed on a one month probation in February, just before his birthday. Then three months in September.

A crime?

Raito had committed a crime?

A voice inside L's head said not to interfere, this was Raito's life, and according to the new time line you created, you can not be involved in his life. You have done your job of protecting Raito.

But another voice, the one inside of his heart, the one that had not spoken in years, told him to go to Japan.

Struggling to figure out the right thing to do, L picked up the printed photo, and after taking a good hard look at the boy, he realized what that was.

* * *

Author Note: Why and How L is able to just casually browse through people's files is because…well, he is L? lol


	4. Now he's just a casualty

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, nor do I own 'Newbies, I am just borrowing the characters for the plot and the night club for the scenes ^ ^

Author: So either you guys are super polite or your math skills are as horrible as my own. It's not 15 yrs left for L, it's 27 and a half. Although that's still not very long once you think about it...but still better than 15 ^ ^ Right?

* * *

On the plane, L disobeyed the rules of proper seating as he kept his legs pulled to his chest, all while his eyes gazed out of the window. Looking out, he could see the sea below, the waters smooth and calm, the very opposite of what he knew he was about to face.

How had Raito screwed up his life and in only a year? What could he have done to be placed on probation? That was not like Raito. Raito believed in punishing criminals, not becoming one.

Wait, L thought, Raito went through hell to save L. He practically lost his mind in his own attempt. Raito also claimed they had stood together in the rain twenty times. So why was L thinking this could be so easy after only one little try? Besides, he gave away half his life span to a shinigami with an apple addiction, of course nothing was going to be easy.

But then again, Raito had more to deal with than what L was going to face. Raito had to face two or three Kiras at one time, L had one little teenager.

So Raito was placed on probation twice and was skipping classes, that was not so bad. Teenagers got bored easily, needing an outlet, a different scenery. That was the most probable cause. His grades were still perfect, as to be expected, so it was not a total disaster. Raito was a teenager, they sometimes got into trouble. That was life.

As L saw Japan's shoreline coming into view, he relaxed. All he had to do was help Raito get back on track, perhaps even speak with the judge who had sentenced Raito and have this mess exonerated.

Yes, it was not going to be all that hard. Raito was sensible. He should be glad to have someone of L's status to help get him straightened back out.

Watari of course was doubtful about L's trip to Japan. That was to be expected. Watarai was clueless of L's actual intentions.

"I would like to go on a vacation." L had stated rather calmly.

"A…vacation?" Watari was quite surprised at the eight word sentence. L had never asked for a vacation, much less _stated _he was going on vacation.

"Yes. Japan is my interest. Will you manage without me?"

"But, what about.." Watari's voice began to waver as he looked down at the files scattered on the table.

"I will solve each and everyone of them upon my return." And with that promise, L found himself and Ryuk on a plane, with bags packed and a credit card with no limit, in under three hours. He did, however, manage to escape without Watari. This would be the first time in his life that he would travel with him. Watari was worried, as he should be, and tried his best during the three hours to convince L to at least take someone with him.

Preferably Watari. Just for precautions. But L made it perfectly clear that he wanted to do this on his own. He called, 'my one chance to do something on my own'.

Watari eventually caved, looking desperate to come up with a reason to forbid it, then realizing L was not the little boy he once was.

And now, L dropped his legs down to the floor, and pulled out his file on Raito, looking for his address

(*)(*)(*)

So this was where Yagami Soichiro and his family live? L had seen the house from his surveillance cameras. The kitchen, the bedrooms, the bathrooms, Soichiro's office, everything. But he never saw it 'in the flesh', per say.

It was tall, big, and nicely kept. One would think a wholesome family lived inside, a happy family complete with a traditional mother, father, son, and daughter. Secretly, L was a little jealous. Raito always seemed to have everything, so how is it he always manages to screw up his life?

He approached the front door, and bravely rang the door bell. When Soichiro pulled the heavy door open, laying his eyes on him as if he were inspecting him for a crime he didn't commit, L swallowed hard.

Compared to the man that had stood with him in the rain at Raito's funeral, thanking him for being Raito's only real friend, Soichiro looked…hard. Angry. Lost. Maybe confused.

L decided to speak first. "I am looking for Yagami Raito. I'm a friend of his. May I speak with him?"

Soichiro smirked as if he knew it was a lie, then glanced L up and down, taking in his appearance. The bags under L's eyes were thicker, and much larger than normal, making the pupils of his eyes much bigger than they were. His raven hair had become tangled and messy from the napping on the plane. His clothes, which had attained wrinkles during the same plane ride looked dirty even though they were far from needing a washing as of yet.

L could only imagine what Soichiro was thinking. He recalled the very first time the two met, during the original time line when Kira was just beginning his reign. Soichiro had looked at him as if he were a crazy person, then later, with much respect.

But now, now he looked on him like L was some type of dirty young man who was about to ask to for a handout.

"Raito isn't here." Soichiro strongly announced before quickly attempting to shut the door.

L slipped his sneaker covered foot between the door stopping him. "I am aware that it is rather late. He is most likely studying, but please, I only need a moment with him."

Soichiro let lose a heavy sigh in annoyance. "Look, I told you he _isn't _here."

"May I leave him a message then?" L wasn't sure what kind of message you could leave for someone who did not know you, but he sure would try. "Maybe you could tell him-"

"No! I am _done_delivering messages for you people. If you want to talk to my son you can go find him yourself. Now leave before I call the police." Soichiro slammed the door in the detectives face, leaving him confused. Ryuk roared with laughter above him and said something, but L wasn't listening. His mind was still dealing with '_police_'.

He turned on his heels, leaving disappointed. "What happened to you, Soichiro?" He whispered to no one in particular as his shoulders slumped.

All of a sudden a soft voice called, "Hey, you. Wait a second!" Surprised, L turned back to the house. A young, sweet looking girl, with long, swooping almond brown hair pulled into a pony tail, came walking out of the door.

_Sayu, _he thought. Pictures of her laying on her bed and kicking her feet as she gossiped with other middle school children flashed through his mind. The way she looked now saddened him. Something about the air around her told him she no longer had a hyper, care-free spirit.

"Yes?" He asked her as she approached him bravely.

"You're looking for my brother?"

"Yes, I am."

"Why?" She folded her arms critically, looking cold in her short sleeve pajama shirt as the wind blew around them, causing the sleeves to flap against her arms. "What do you want from him?"

_Ah, siblings and their protective love. It's something that you can not break._ Or so L has read somewhere…

"I…" Think Lawliet. You can come up with something. Don't let the fact that you are 100 percent shocked about everything here, keep you from giving an intelligent answer. "am a class mate. Raito has not been to class in several days, I am worried for him."

Sayu laughed. "You think we haven't heard that one before? It's the oldest in the book."

"I do not understand."

"Look, I don't know who you are, but I have a pretty good guess as to what you want. You're making my mother cry every time one of you come knocking. He _isn't _here anymore because he doesn't _live_ here anymore. _Ok_? Spread the word to the rest of you _pathetic losers_."

_The rest? _He wondered. _Who has been bothering them? _

"I mean no harm, I can assure you. If you can tell me where I may find him, I would be very appreciative."

"That's very good acting skills you have. But I'm still not buying it."

L scanned his memory for Raito's schedule, then picked the class Raito skipped the most and replied, "Psychology partners." He let her fake, insulting compliment slide as he came up with more of the lie, "We were working on a report together, when he stopped showing up for class. We will both fail if he does not contact me soon."

She seemed to be pondering the new information, running it over and over in her own mind, looking for holes that told her it was a lie. Then, looking almost satisfied, she dropped her arms and bit her lip. She took a deep breath trying her best to let her guard come down just an inch.

L watched as she let out the air, blowing thick bangs from her chocolate eyes. He could not help but to think, 'Yes, this is Soichiro's daughter'.

She started, "Are… Are you really a student at his school? A class mate? Don't lie to me because…because.." She was a child. She had no real threat and she knew.

"I do not lie." He told her confidently, but of course, that in itself was a lie. He was L. The question is when does he ever tell the truth.

"You can usually find him at Newbies." She blurted it all out so fast and so soft he almost began to think she didn't say anything at all.

"_What?_" He asked.

"Newbies!" She shouted embarrassed. "Look do _not_ tell him I told you." Growing nervous, she folded her arms protectively back over her chest. "I have to go now." She said as she took baby steps backwards.

"Wait, explain 'Newbies'. Is this a place?"

"Look it up." She didn't wave a single good bye as her baby steps turned into a run as she ran inside the home. L could hear the lock on the door being latched.

"Newbies? Is this a place? Ryuk, do you know what she is talking about?"

"I dunno. But you know what? She smelled like apples."

L rolled his eyes, then gave his feet permission to carry him anywhere they wanted. The moon shinned down against his hair, making it appear cleaner than it really was. He hunched his shoulders as he tried to think. Raito never mentioned Newbies. Ryuk was obviously no help. When was he ever?

Getting further out of the neighborhood and further into the town, L pulled out his cell phone dialing Watari.

"Yes, L?"

"Look up Newbies for me. I am sorry I have no more information to give to you other than '_Newbies_'. As for the spelling...your guess would be as good as my own right now."

"Give me five minutes."

L hung up then called a taxi.

Once sitting inside and buckled behind the leather belt, the older gentleman asked, "Where to?"

"Just drive." L told him. "I am a tourist and I wish to view the sights."

"Buddy that's going to run the meter pretty high…"

"Money isn't really an object for me. Please, just do as I requested."

"Okay. If you're sure."

L gazed out the window, looking at the tall buildings. The taxi actually passed To-oh university. L smiled as he remember walking with Raito, not really minding that the entire time Raito was probably thinking of ways to kill him.

L's back pocket vibrated. He lifted up, retrieving the phone and opening the new text from the unknown number:

Located in the Kanto region, Newbies is a gay gentleman's club open every night, 9 p.m to 4 a.m. 

A second and third text from Watari gave the owner, the address and a simple 'be careful, take care of yourself and do NOT reveal who you really are'.

Sitting back in the car, L pulled his knees close to his chest much like the way Sayu kept her arms wrapped around her chest.

He needed protection as he began to feel vulnerable, scared, and maybe a little bit guilty. He saved Raito from dieing a tragic death, but he just may have made matters worse..as Raito's life may already be ruined.

L may have lived a secluded life, but he knew that a gentleman's club was just a sugar coated, classy way of saying 'strip joint'.

(*)(*)(*)

The man Raito was trying to serve could not make up his mind. He sat at the table Raito seated him, and stared at the menu in his hands as if it would magically change, or start flashing lights like he was some kind of winner on a game show. Raito wanted to snatch it and smack him directly in the face with it. Maybe the shock would stimulate his brain enough to decide on a drink. Who knew?

The man's company, a much older man with grey hair, apparently got annoyed as well, as he suddenly chose a light beer for the both of them. Raito breathed a mental sigh of relief. _Thank you._

He quickly jotted it down and grabbed a trey from the bar, moving to the next table where the group of business men he had been serving all night instantly began their flirting again.

"What time do you get off?" A black haired man asked, smiling his pearly whites and reaching out to touch his arm, but Raito brushed him off as he gathered their empty glasses. The two men had managed to drink three beers in the five minutes it took for the teen to seat the other men.

"I don't." Raito replied calmly.

"Aaw, you have to leave sometime. Why not when you get off we hit the town? Just me and you pretty."

"No thanks. Do you need anything?" Raito hated to ask because he already knew the response, but he had to if he wanted a nice tip and to keep his job.

The man chuckled. "Just you. Right here." The man said as he pointed to his crotch and the other men began roaring with laughter. Raito took his chance to just walk away back to the bar. He pulled the nicer men's ticket out and handed it to Lenny, the American bartender who was only six years older than Raito, but had a much rougher family history.

Lenny laid his hand on Raito's tense shoulder. He said, "Think of it like this, if you flirt a little, you're tip will be huge." He gave the teen a small, sympathetic smile. He had watched Raito being harassed by the customers for the past six hours. At first it was a little funny, now it was stressing.

"Screw the tip." Raito decided. "Those men are disgusting."

"Well honey there is always the pole. Money's good, they can't touch you, and all you have to sacrifice is your pride."

"No thanks."

"They all change their minds eventually."

"Let me get my ass pinched a few more times and I'll think about it."

Lenny laughed. "That's the spirit kid."

Raito grabbed the light beer, and headed back to his misery.

(*)(*)(*)

L Lawliet starred at himself in the mirror. Was he dressed properly? Over dressed? Under dressed? He had no clue. The add for Newbies in the phone book he had found in the hotel room, showed happy men dancing, drinking, and wearing nice clothes. L decided his white shirt and wrinkled jeans would not do. New clothes were in order.

He called for another taxi, asking the man to take him somewhere he could buy clothes. The man dropped him off at a two story men's apparel store. The ladies inside were hesitant to help, but when he pulled out his credit card, they quickly jumped at the chance to dress him in a pair of faded Levi jeans along with a plain black, cotton shirt that clung to his every muscle and curve, and stylish, black leather jacket. As uncomfortable as he was, he did look nice.

They chose white sneakers for his feet, and he slipped them on. As for his hair, it was a little hopeless, but a young blond ran a comb through it, then a little spike gel. She smiled sweetly saying, "We don't get men like you coming in here. I feel like your James Bond the way you just walked in here and flashed your money. Are you like, a secret agent or something?" She teased.

Ryuk laughed. "No one ever thought Raito was a secret agent."

L looked into her blue eyes. Obviously, her education went no further than high school. She was far too young to have a degree but far too old to actually believe he was a 'secret agent'. He smiled just to be polite, the way Raito always did. Apparently, Raito taught him more than how to tie a tie because her own smile grew brighter and her eyes seemed to light up.

"Something like that." He told her. "Am I dressed properly enough for 'Newbies'?" He asked.

"_Newbies_? That gay club down town? Why are you going there? Are they in trouble?"

She obviously did believe he was some sort of agent. "I have someone I am meeting."

The woman looked shocked and somewhat disappointed. Something in her eyes told him it was not his supposed sexuality that made her pretty, wrinkle free face give him that look. It started to eat at him. He asked, "Is there something wrong?"

"Oh, no. Just, there is usually a certain pattern of men that go to Newbies. You don't really look like the kind of guy who would go to a place like that unless you were a cop."

_A place ike what? _L wondered. Just what has Raito gotten into?

Before L could question her further, she had charged his credit card, shoved a receipt at him and bid him good day.

Cautiously, L got back in the cab and told the man his destination as he bit his thumb. He expected a look from the cab driver, the same one the pretty girl gave him, but he got nothing but a bored expression the whole way there.

L paid the man, then got out. In front of him stood a building lit up by a few bright neon signs reading, "Newbies".

Well, here he was. The club didn't look run down, nor did it look distasteful. If L was a man who enjoyed strip clubs, this looked like a nice enough place. Perhaps the girl misunderstood. But Soichiro and Sayu's reactions were still something to feel uneasy about.

L approached the door to the entrance, turned the knob, and stepped inside.


	5. Slipping out of the ordinary me

Disclaimer: Not mine, as always

Author Note: Im sorry for the grammatical errors in the last chapter. Thanks to all of you who pointed them out. Some of them were funny haha I hope this doesn't have any. I wrote and re-wrote this chapter over and over. Im still unhappy with it but I don't think I can make it any better than this. The next chapter is already half written and Im off to go work on it as soon as I post this. :)

* * *

As L entered the building, a thick heavy fog that he quickly registered as smoke, intermingled with the smell of cologne, sweat and too many people in a small space. Taking a moment, he let his mind soak in the scene around him. Newbies was small, and dark. The only light came from the glow of the dimmed lights that hung loosely from the ceiling, giving the place a dirty, yet sexy atmosphere.

On his left, he could hear the laughing and chattering of several men carrying on different conversations from their tables, as well as the thumping of loud music coming from a stage where a young man was dancing with a pole. L quickly averted his eyes when he realized the man was not dancing, but stripping to the music for the men seated around the stage.

With a slight embarrassing fear, L forced himself to look back. A single, fast glance, just to cofirm that Raito was not _that _young man.

Thank heavens he wasn't. This young man was older. Too old to be Raito. L breathed a sigh of relief and focused on his right. It seemed a bit quieter as a few people were sitting at the bar and chatting it up with the bartender who was clearly under dressed. The young American seemed to be only wearing a black bow tie, no real shirt of any kind. He hoped the man was wearing some type of clothing for pants behind that bar.

L felt a presence step in front of him and a voice say, "Welcome to Newbie's. Are you alone tonight Sir, or is your party joining you later tonight?"

L shifted his eyes from the bartender directly to the presence that was one Yagami Raito. Raito was standing in front of him with a menu and a clearly bored expression. L had to fight the internal urge to cry and lift the boy up into his arms and twirl him around. Having Raito so close once again was making his heart pound and his stomach flip. But, as the shinigami and the detective laid their eyes on Raito, Ryuk began laughing up a storm as L's jaw nearly dropped when his eyes focused on what the teen was wearing, or lack there of. He seemed to be dressed in tight leather pants and shiny, matching shoes. As for a shirt, there was none. Like the bartender, Raito was wearing a white collar around the neck with a black bow tie, and matching white cuffs with links.

"Daddy should be proud." Ryuk commented with a chuckle.

L knew that darn shinigami was right. Soichiro would certainly not be pleased if he were there to see his son exposing perfectly tanned skin, flat stomach and all, in a traditional Chippendale costume. It would certainly be a sight, but L did not want to think about that.

Instead he wondered, did Raito remember him? The boy gave no signs as he waited patiently for L to respond. He gazed into Raito's eyes looking for any clue that might be waving in those bright pools of amber, but all he saw was a cold glare beginning to turn impatient.

Perhaps not.

Half disappointed, half relieved, L said, "I'm alone tonight."

Not missing a beat, Raito gave a completely fake, yet sweet, smile and asked, "Would you like a table, or would you like a seat at our bar? Lenny is our bartender tonight. If you can dream it and drink it, he can make it."

L tried to return the smile at the cute little quote that came from the add in the phone book, but he could hardly breath as he realized he could not turn his eyes from the gorgeous auburn haired boy.

Raito was practically naked. Obviously he was a waiter, but with the way he was dressed, he may as well be on the stage. No wonder Sayu was embarrassed to mention this place. Her brother was a half naked waiter at a gay strip joint. Did Soichiro already know? Is that why he was so upset when L came knocking?

No, from the way he acted, Soichiro was upset over something different. He had expected L to ask something of Raito. So that was still a mystery L had to solve.

Pushing his thoughts to the back of his mind, L requested a table, then followed Raito to a small table in the back, where he laid a menu in front of him. "My name is Light, and I'll be your server. May I offer you some peanuts or pretzels to start off with?"

_Oh how cute, _L thought disapprovingly. Raito was going by a cliché nickname much like a red haired girl nicknamed Cherry, or a blond nicknamed Summer. L could not believe his eyes or ears. The very idea of working here seemed to be degrading. Why here when their were plenty of internships Raito could have applied for within the justice field? His father was head of the NPA, he could have certainly pulled strings for him.

So why? Where was Raito's pride? If he was in some type of trouble why not seek out his family for help or assistance? The butterfly effect, he realized. L's mind wandered back to that theory. Obviously some event occurred, changing Raito to such a degree that he would lower himself just enough to work for a strip club. What what? And what has he done to be plassed on probation?

Irritated by the odd customer, Raito forced himself to politely repeat himself. "Would you like some pretzels or peanuts?"

"No thank you." Shakily, L picked his menu up, opening it to view the drinks. He hoped if Raito noticed his menu trembling, that the boy would look over it as first club jitters, and not the fact that he was really crumbling on the inside. And crumbling fast.

His mind was racing with thoughts, questions, and concerns. His heart was surely going to beat right out of his chest, and he didn't realize he could ever be so nervous in his life. He was like this club, Newbie's. On the outside it was clean, and the neon signs made it look fun, yet the inside was something he was not so sure about. The music was beginning to pound into his head, and out of the corner of his eye, he could see that the male stripper was sporting a ton of tattoos. He recalled how the pretty little blond in the clothes store told him only a certain type of men went into Newbie's. He now had a faint idea of what that type of man was. And he prayed Raito was not that type of man.

"See anything you like?" Raito asked softly, his voice sounding as smooth as that Casanova charm he always held.

L glanced the list, but it seemed the club did not serve cakes or sweets. "A glass of water would be fine."

The teen scoffed at him. "The only water we have here has barley and hops in it."

L's lips slipped into an uneven smile. Even that little scoff brought him comfort. Raito was not completely lost, he was able to hold himself up. He was still that same strong Yagami Raito that punched him in the face when he accused him of being Kira one to many times.

"Then a nonalcoholic strawberry daiquiri please." L was not a drinker, and the small picture of the nonalcoholic strawberry daiquiri not only looked good, but sounded tremendously sweet. It would simply have to do until for now.

The teen scribbled the order and turned quick on his heels to the bar. L watched with a certain curiosity and sadness. It hurt to know that Raito did not remember him. It meant Raito did not love him either. To Yagami Raito, he was just a stranger, a customer who had wandered into the night club and ordered a nonalcoholic strawberry daiquiri.

As Raito made his way to the bar, pushing his way between drunk customers, he called Lenny's name till he finally caught the bartender's attention. He quickly mouthed his customer's order, and Lenny gave him a thumbs up. While waiting, Raito looked up at the clock. Exactly one hour till three. _Thank God_. He didn't think he could last much longer. His feet were aching and his right hand was beginning to twitch.

Lenny slid the glass with pink, bubbly liquid down the bar into Raito's hand. Raito smiled. If you had told him when he was a kid that one day he'd be working in a bar, he would have laughed his ass off. But then again, if you had also told him he would be gay and on probation, he would have punched you into next week. Life is just funny that way.

He tightened his grip on the drink, and moved back to the tables. He found his customer, who Raito didn't think was all that bad looking, sitting in an odd position. His legs were pulled up to his chest like a child and he was biting his thumb looking at Raito as if he were analyzing him. _What a weirdo, seriously. _

"One strawberry daiquiri. Can I get anything else?"

"No thank you." The man proceeded to then drink his daiquiri casually, but Raito watched fascinated as the man's lips seemed to seductively wrap around the straw. The customer was handsom in a strange sort of way that peeked an odd interest in Raito.

L noticed the teen staring, and glanced up at 'Light. "Yes?" He asked casually, as if his own heart wasn't still pounding away in his chest.

As their eyes met in an innocent glare, Raito gulped. _Those eyes..._ He knew this man from somewhere. But where? If he had a class with him, he would certainly remember someone as odd as this. Wouldn't he?

Embaressed, Raito mumbled,"S-sorry", then moved onto another table. It was best not to linger or else the man would think Raito was hitting on him or something. That's what most customers believed if you looked for longer than two split seconds. Besides, the man was a weirdo. And he certainly wasn't_ that _good looking in those Levi's. Raito dated whores better looking than that guy.

Raito cleared the table that the polite, yet over indecisive customer from earlier had left covered with empty glasses. Beneath one glass in particular, Raito found a few bills rolled up. A tip. That certainly reminded him why he kept the job. After counting it out, Raito stuffed the fifty dollars into his back pocket for safe keeping, then moved cautiously to the table with the giant pervert and his friends.

"Hey it's getting later." Mr. Pervert slurred. "When you get off I'll give ya a ride in my convertible." Raito was surprised he could even pronounce convertible.

"No thank you." He said. "Can I get anything else for you all? Maybe some pretzels?" _You know, to absorb some of that liquor so you can walk out of here straight. _

"You don't gotta be shy with me kid. I don't bite."

"Well I do." Raito snapped back. "So do you and your friends want to order some pretzels or no?" While the guys friends laughed, Raito felt like he was about to have a mental break down. The teen focused on keeping his cool. Tonight was just not his night. Though it was better than working the weekends when there were teens and college students dancing and snorting crack all night.

"I don't mind if you bite." The man purred. "I like it rough." He grabbed Raito's wrist and pulled him down face to face whispering, "If you can go all night, they're might be a little extra in it for ya." He then slipped a few bills into Raito's tight pants.

Disgusted, Raito pushed the man off. "I am _not _a hooker." He snatched the bills and slung them at the man's face. He'd had enough, but apparently, Mr. Pervert thought he was playing a game of hard to get. Conquering Raito in strength, he pulled the teenage waiter into his lap.

"Let go." Raito protested, trying to pry the sleazy man's hands from his waist.

"Now come on, play nice. We just want to have a little fun." His warm hand slid between Raito's thighs, cupping what he could in the tight pants. The boy froze at the contact, but mentally screamed for the bartender to pay the least little bit of attention. "Tell me, is your name really Light? Because that's a really sexy name for you."

As the man began nuzzling his neck and hair, his skin crawled at the sickening sensation till he couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed a glass half full of beer from the table and flipped it over his shoulder, splashing the man's face with the liquid.

"Shit!" He cried, releasing Raito to wipe his eyes.

Raito took the chance to scramble out of his lap, but the guy grabbed his arm yanking him back to his chest as he stood stall, showing he was a good six inches taller than the teen. Immediately Raito struggled to get away when he heard Lenny's rough voice demand, "What is going on here?"

L, who had been watching closely the whole time, watched as the bartender pulled Raito safely away from the drunk, stepping between them to settle the matter.

"I'm afraid you can't treat our waiters like they are prostitutes. If you want more than what we can offer Sir, I suggest you go somewhere else. But as for him throwing a drink in your face, Light will apologize."

The teens amber eyes widened. Raito couldn't fucking believe it. "I'm not apologizing."

"Oh yes you are." Lenny stated. "You're also going to pick up this mess."

"I'm not apologizing to a pervert."

Lenny grabbed the teen pulling him close as he whispered. "If you want your job, you are telling that man how very sorry you are. Do I make myself clear?"

He had made himself clear, but Raito wasn't about to stoop so low. "Lenny he won't even remember this when the sun comes up!"

"Well, you won't have a job when the sun comes up if you don't."

Raito's hand clumped into a fist. He needed this job. The pay was good, but that damned drunk was laughing at him with a smug little look. He gave it a try, "I…." He sighed. _Just get it over with quick. "I'm sorry."_

"For?" Lenny pushed, motioning with his hand to go on.

"For throwing beer in your face."

The man grinned, "If you can't control your waiters you should keep them on a leash."

That did it. Raito lunged himself at the man throwing his fist and all his strength into one single punch. The man stumbled backwards till he fell flat on his back.

From across the room, L smiled as the bartender pulled Raito back to keep an all out fight from going down. _Good for you Raito_, he thought.. Ryuk who had been so bored that he was mimicking the moves of the stripper for the past twenty minutes, even gave his full attention to the scene.

Lenny declared that due to Ligh'ts impolite behavior, their drinks and anything else they ordered, was on the house.

"No thanks." Said one of the men shaking his head. "We'll take our business elsewhere."

Lenny nodded. "Maybe that's for the best." He waited till they were gone, then turned back to his top waiter. "You bring in a lot of customers with your looks Light. But you drive just as many of them away with all your problems. You'll clean up this mess. You will hand me all your tips from tonight. And you will go home early. Then tomorrow night, you will work a double to make up for the drinks they didn't pay for."

"Wait, what the hell do you want my tips for?"

"Teach you a lesson in anger management. Now get out."

Rolling his eyes Raito tossed his fifty dollars at Lenny, then stormed off into a door behind the stage to change into decent clothes.

L slurped the last of his daiquiri, and with Ryuk invisibly following, brought the empty glass to the bar. "If it is not too much trouble." He told the irritated Lenny. "I'm ready to pay for my bill."

"Oh, sorry about the scene. I hope your evening wasn't ruined. Our young waiter, Light, I'm sure he would be glad to give you an apology as well."

L shook his head as Lenny rang up the price of one nonalcoholic drink. "Do you take cards?"

Lenny laughed. "We take anything but an IOU."

"Then would you place the tab of the man whom your waiter got into a disagreement with onto my card as well?"

"You want to pay for all their drinks?" He asked dubiously, shifting his weight to his other foot.

"Yes."

The American bartender was stunned, "Are you sure you want to do that?" He asked. "Their tab ran pretty high."

"Yes, I am certain." The bartender shrugged, took the card, and charged everything to it. Then gave it back with a smile. He was shocked at the customer's decision, but he was also quite pleased.

"Oh, and one more thing." L added. "The young waiter will no longer need to work double shifts tomorrow night correct?"

"Huh? Light? Of course he will. You saw the scene he caused."

"Yes, however, his punishment was relinquishing to you his tips. I just paid for the drinks, therefore eliminating the need of working a double shift, no?"

Lenny gave up. He figured Raito must know the guy. Probably a boyfriend or some type of friend with benefits. Raito had all kinds of guys showing up. They were either begging for a date, or another chance. "Sure, whatever." He said. "But he's still skating on thin ice with me."

"Thank you." L placed his card back into his wallet just as Raito entered back into the room. This time L laid his eyes on the beautiful Raito he knew. The one who dressed in casual slacks, and a button down white shirt. That was a lot better. L gathered himself, and quietly whispered to Ryuk, "Lets go."

Ryuk was dissapointed to be leaving so soon. He was starting to have a little fun watching, but he followed L out of the club anyways.

* * *

A/N: So not everything was answered. You might even have more questions than before, but I assure you all, the wait for the next chapter won't be as long. It is a third of the way done. And I can promise a lot of L and Raito interaction.


	6. You never looked as lost as this

Disclaimer: Once again, this is not mine.

Author Note: Like I said, L and Raito/Light have plenty of interaction in this chapter. Hope you enjoy!

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Outside, L sat on the curb of the sidewalk in front of Newbie's. He felt drained, and tired. He wished he was a man who could socialize well. He could have struck up a well constructed conversation with the teen, possibly getting him to confide in him. However, he was not a man who had a skill for conversation. He was a simple observer. And tonight, observing accomplished nothing in the end.

Sighing, L pulled his knees to his chest. Nothing was easy in life, but why did it have to be so hard to simply _live_?

"Hey! You!" Ryuk and L both turned their heads towards the voice, to see Raito walking towards them from the club's exit. L stood, his heart beating beneath the skin and in his ears. "Yes?"

Raito stopped just in front of the so familiar man. "Did you...really pay that customer's tab?"

"Yes."

"Why?" The question was harsh, and suspicious. L frowned slipping his cold hands into the pockets of his new, stylish jacket.

"Why not?" He asked. The teen appeared to L as scared and confused. The stranger pulled an act of kindness that Raito probably had only scene in movies.

"Most people only do something because they want something. So, what do you want?"

"I am not most people, Light."

The answer must have shocked the teen because he took a step backwards, away from L, searching into those black eyes. "Do I… know you? Maybe we go to school together?"

A warm feeling rose inside L, but he had to lie. "No." He answered. "We have never met."

"Are you sure? Maybe I've seen you around…"

"No. I'm new to Japan."

"You speak Japanese perfectly." He accused.

"I've studied the language."

Raito looked almost disappointed, "Oh, well…anyways, I'm not into playing games. What do you want?"

"Nothing."

"Right." He laughed. "Like I haven't heard that one before." He reached into the pocket of his pants, pulling out a red box. Immediately, L recognized it as a carton of cigarettes, the same brand Matt snuck around Wammy's smoking.

Before the stick could reach his lips, L informed him, "Nicotine and the many chemicals placed in that product destroys the tissue inside the lungs. "

"Yeah, well…nicotine and chemicals are the least of my worries."

L watched as Raito lit the stick after slipping it between his lips. He couldn't believe his eyes once again. Here was Raito, such a pristine young man, and he was _smoking_.

Raito said, speaking around the dangling cigarette, "Listen, I don't know why you really did that for me, but.." He reached again into another pocket and brought out a rather large bundle of cash tied with a rubber band, "how much was it?"

L's eyes fell to the cash, feeling insulted. His eyes lifted back up to meet Raito's amber pools. "No need. Consider it a small gift. From me to you."

Raito's eyes narrowed dangerously. "You don't even _know_ me."

"Does one always need to know a person to help them?"

"No. I guess not. But you didnt' something simple. You paid a very expensive tab. For all I know, you could be some random crazy guy."

Finally insulted, L retorted, "My mental capabilities are beyond the average IQ, I assure you. I am only a man who has done a nice favor."

Raito studied the man, then blew a puff of smoke into his face. "Yeah well, _I_ can assure _you_, those with a high IQ are the dangerous ones. Look at Ted Bundy. Everyone thought he was a normal family man. And as for your favor, like I said, no one does something for nothing. At least not on this side of town. So why don't you tell me what you want? It's cold out here and I'm freezing." Raito wrapped his arms around his chest, leaving them just lose enough to keep smoking.

"Perhaps due to the media focusing on serial killers such as Ted Bundy and mythical serial killers such as Hannibal Lecter, most of the population view serial killers as criminals with high intelligence exceeding the norm." Raito's eyebrow lifted as he listenedt to the crazy man ramble. "But, when taken as a whole, serial killers appear to be of normal IQ. As do rapists and thieves. Anyone on the street could be looking for the exact opportunity that you are suspicious of me being after. " With that alarming fact presented to the table, an awkward silence fell between them as Raito smoked, glancing around them and noticing the people on the street.

L observed the teen's reactions. Raito took a long drag, quenching his diehard need for nicotine. As it spread through his lungs, it began to sooth his nerves. His hand no longer twitched for the addiction, but his stomach began to tighten when he realized how far he had to walk to his home all by himself.

The teen blew out a puff of smoke in a perfect little ring, he stole another glance at the strange older man. He was thin, a good few inches taller than Ratio, and you could see his hard muscles under the tight shirt he wore. Raito found him quite attractive for a stranger. His nose was almost a perfect length, and his lips were a soft, seductive shade of pink.

As the boy's eyes searched L's body up and down, L felt as if he were being examined, or being judged. "What's your name?" The teen questioned.

L's thought it over, replying, "Ryuzaki."

The boy's eyes narrowed. "I thought you weren't from here."

"I was born in England. My father was Japanese." Which was not a total lie. He may know nothing of his true parents, but L did know where he was born.

"Oh."

L tried to resist the temptation of reaching out and stroking the young boy's flushed cheek from the cold. He imagined what it would feel like, holding Raito after he had come back from the dead.

Without a second thought, L slipped off his jacket, and wrapped it around the surprised teen's shoulders. He gave the boy a tender smile, but avoiding the boy's gaze, fearing his eyes would give away his feelings. He said simply, "You looked as if you were freezing."

Raito gave him a long, critical look, before slipping his arms into the expensive sleeves of the brown jacket. It seemed he came to a decision as he asked, "You want to walk me home?" His voice quivered, making him sound much younger than he really was. "I live just down the street."

L looked down the dark road where Raito pointed. It was not in the direction towards the Yagami home. "Only if you put out the cigarette." He bargained.

The teen thought it over, looking around at random men exiting the bar and remembering his short experience. He flicked the half smoked cigarette onto the ground before stepping onto it with his shoe. "Deal."

The walk to Raito's was short. For L, it was too short. They stopped in front of an old apartment building where Raito pulled out his key as L looked the outside of the place over. From what he could see, he decided he did not approve of this place either. Raito deserved better than this.

"Thanks for walking me." The teen said, removing L's jacket slowly.

"It was my pleasure." L told him truthfully. As Raito attempted to hand the man his jacket, he declined. "Keep it. You might need it again." Without thinking, L allowed his hand to brush back several strands of Raito's soft, auburn bangs from his eyes. Realizing what he had done, L snatched his hand back in shock, but Raito only smiled sweetly, inching himself close into L's personal space.

"What to come inside?" The teen breathed, his mint breath brushing over L's lips and nodding his head towards the apartment building.

L must have lost all of his senses then as he felt the boy he loved stood too close for comfort. Reading between the lines, he knew what Raito was implying, but should he consent and go inside? Desperately, yes he wanted to follow, even more he wanted exactly what Raito was initiating. His gut instinct told him no, don't go, but his pants were suddenly too tight as he watched the boy's perfectly shaped body lead the way inside. Giving up, he allowed his lust filled mind to make the decision for him.

Raito led L up a narrow carpeted flight of steps until they reached a red wooden door, the paint chipped and faded. The boy slid in his key, turned the knob, and opened the door allowing his guest in first. The grim little apartment was just as dark as the club they left. The wallpaper was dingy, and curling as it threatened to fall from it's place on the wall. The furniture consisted of a mediocre red couch, beige rug and table with a few neatly stacked college books and papers. L could tell the apartment was old, possibly older than Soichiro or Watari, but the place was neat, and clean.

Raito shut the door behind them, stepping out of his shoes and removing all items from his pockets. "Thirsty? I have water and orange juice." He offered politely as he set his items on the table by the books, then entering the kitchen through a swinging yellow door by the couch.

L followed, still looking around almost examining everything his dark eyes fell onto. "Orange juice is fine."

Raito pulled the refrigerator door opened and brought out the juice. He could not help but to notice the lack of anything edible inside. He watched curiously as Raito pulled a cup down from a cabinet and poured the juice, handing it towards him with a faint smile. "Thank you. Do you live alone?"

Raito nodded, putting the juice back. "Want a tour?"

L followed Raito around as he showed him the rest of the place, which was small. There was the bathroom, which had a shower, not a tub, and a white almost see through curtain. There was a rug in front of the counter with a perfectly clean sink. L curiously wondered what Raito kept inside the medicine cabinet. Did it consist of all the make up supplies L knew him to use when they were chained? Or did it now consist of something entirely different?

Suddenly, Raito informed him very strongly, that the pink wallpaper was there when he moved into the place. He was just always too busy to change it. _Hm_. L sipped from his cup, and followed as they made there way to the bedroom down a very short hallway. The walls were painted a stark, empty white. The curtains on the window to the right were open, allowing the moonlight to spill into the room, giving it a blue hazy atmosphere. A single bed with a comforter with an ugly black, white and red plaid design was properly straightened and tucked into the bed, that shoved up against the left wall of the room. Next to the bed was a nightstand with an alarm clock, a book, half a glass of water, and a pen.

L noticed through the entire place was empty, just what was needed to survive, with no personal effects that linked Raito to anyone. There were no picture frames with photos of Sayu or his family. The golden watch his father had given him was not worn nor was it anywhere to be seen.

L drank the rest of the juice, his fingers tightened strongly around the glass. He fought the tears beginning to burn his eyes as he realized, he know longer knew Yagami Raito. That teenager was gone. The boy standing beside him now was _Light,_ a stranger to L who worked surving alcohol to perverts, with no agenda, and more lost than a fallen angel.

'Light' reached his hand up, taking the empty glass from L's hand. "I'll take this for you." Softly the teen moved out of the bedroom leaving L alone to wipe at his eyes. He prayed when the boy came back, he wouldn't be able to tell. As he sat on the bed, trying to collect himself, a gentle _click_ could be heard. L looked up to see the teen standing in front of the closed bedroom door, leaning against it with a faint smile across his lips. When they made eye contact, he lifted off the door and began moving towards L, taking slow baby steps, and unbuttoning each little white button as he did so.

By the time he reached the bed where L sat on the edge, the shirt was open, revealing his smooth, tanned chest from his tiny, soft pink nipples down below his flat stomach and navel. L gulped watching as the boy sat beside him, brushing lose, black strands behind L's shell pink ear, before kissing lightly just below it. L's body shivered at the contact. He turned his body toward the boy and cupped his face in his hands before kissing him fully on the mouth. He didn't wait for permission, he had no control as he forced his tongue inside, and swirled it aound skillfully, making a soft moan escape from the teen's throat. He pushed the shirt the rest of the way off, revealing more skin that begged to be touched. He dropped his hands to the boy's shoulders, rubbing and caressing them.

Raito kissed the man back, sucking his bottom lip and biting it playfully, before attempting to push the man down. But L held firm, wrapping his arms around the small boy, holding him close and tight, trying his best to make it all last as long as possible. Raito turned his body, forcing his chest against L's, who was warm and softly trembling.

As they broke apart for air, Raito was pushed down onto his back, and L climbed on top, pushing his leg between Raito's thighs, and rubbing his knee against the boy's trapped erection as he began to scatter sweet butterfly kisses across his cheeks, forehead and chin. The moonlight laid across Raito, spreading shadows over his face and body. He was breathtakingly beautiful to L, always had been.

L slipped his hand down, unzipping his levis and Raito's slacks. He pulled Raito's down to his ankles where the teen helped by kicking them off. L pushed his own down, revealing his grey briefs, then lifted his self off the boy to stretch his back and chest, pulling the tight shirt off his body and slinging it onto the floor while Raito sat up, opening the dresser drawer and filling around inside till he found what he was looking for. He felt it, and tossed it at L's now bare chest. The small plastic package hit with a faint slap before dropping down, landing between the teen's nipples.

L looked at the small green package. The sight of it brought him back into reality. This was not he and Raito making love together, this was two strangers, a waiter named 'Light' and a foreigner named 'Ryuzaki' , engaging in casual, one time sex.L bent down, kissing those sweet lips one more time as he closed his eyes fighting the stinging water building behind his eyelids. His hand grasped the tiny package, his nails scrapping across the tanned chest, before sitting back up, and ripping it open.

As the moon swapped places with the sun, the bright light leaked through the curtains across the room to the bed, shinning onto L's face as if to wake him from sleep, but he was still awake. He opened his eyes and turned his head to see the time on the alarm clock. Auburn hair blocked his view. Raito. It was Raito. L closed his eyes, then opened them again, and each time he was surprised all over again to find him so close, and so real.

Raito. L reached over, and touched the soft strands. He watched as the teen snuggled down into the pillow on his stomach, giving a soft, gentle sigh. L remembered sleeping with Raito when they were chained. The boy was always tense, defensive and on guard through out the day, but when they were in bed and the boy was sleeping, he had a peaceful smile engraved on his face. Now he appeared troubled.

L moved his hand down from the boy's soft hair to his shoulders then his back, pushing the blanket down to his hips. L's eyes fell onto the bite marks and the scratches from the rough night before. He smugly adored the bite marks. They were like a marking that Raito was taken.

But the burn mark on the boy's lower back was startling. L ran his fingers lightly over the scar, tracing the mysterious patterns down to the boy's left thigh. Where had this scar come from, a fire? An accident?

L scooted closer and snuggled against Raito, kissing his cheek and moving his arm to wrap around the boy protectively. "What has happened to you?" He whispered, eyes drupping.


	7. Trying to shed some light

Disclaimer: Not mine. Just this crappy fanfiction.

A/N: I'm sorry this chapter took so long. I had computer problems, then internet problems, UGH! Finally it's over now...maybe...I HOPE! ...Enjoy the chapter! ^ ^

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L pulled the blanket back, careful not to wake the sleeping teenager beside him, and got out of the bed. He stepped into his cold jeans, pulling them up his legs to his hips then putting on the black, uncomfortably tight shirt back on, before pressing his lips to the boy's cheek gently.

He watched Light's breathing, his chest rising and falling, and when he was positive the boy was still fast asleep, he pulled the small drawer of the nightstand out. Inside his eyes immediately spotted the gold watch. But the face was cracked, and it no longer worked. L picked it up and pulled the small lever of the watch four times.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

It opened revealing nothing.

Well what exactly was he expecting to be in there? A piece of the Death Note?_ Stupid, L. _

He put the watch back down, and pulled out a black notebook titled 'Agenda'. L opened it and looked at the dates. They were filled with specific times. Every day had the same specific time of day on them, but nothing written as to what the time was for. Was it his class schedules? Maybe a work schedule? No, L remembered Raito's class schedule, and besides, Raito was skipping classes. Why would he bother to keep track? It had to be something else.

L placed the notebook back and picked up the next item in the drawer; hand lotion. He squirted a few drops onto his hands and brought his hand up smelling the scent of nothing. He looked at the bottle and smiled feeling silly. It was unscented.

He put it back and shut the drawer looking at Raito who still slept soundlessly. "I'll solve you Raito. Don't worry." L wiped his slippery hands on his jeans, then quietly made his way around the apartment. Looking for what, he still had know idea.

In the kitchen, he opened all the cabinets. Save for a box of cereal and a few boxes of chocolate pocky they were empty. So Raito does not have the same opinion on sweets as he did before, but more importantly, he had no food in the apartment.

Moving to the sitting room, L flipped through the text books on the coffee table and found a list of assignments. Most were checked off. The only one remaining was an essay for Criminology 101. L slipped it back into it's place, then entered the bathroom, swinging the cabinet door open to find several bottles of pills including Zoloft, Ambien, Nyquil and Bioskincare. Nyquil was a medication for cold symptoms, and Bioskincare was for scars. Obviously for Raito's burns. L pulled the other two bottles down and read the backs worried. Zoloft was a depression medication and the other bottle consisted of sleeping pills.

Was Raito having trouble sleeping or was he taking them for other, illegal reasons? He was on probation after all. Was it because of drugs? And what of the depressants? Same reason or was Raito honestly depressed? And why? What would cause that? More and more questions were popping up but at least L had the answers to the times in the Agenda now. Raito was keeping track of medications.

Nothing about this teenager made sense. Irritated, L crammed the bottles into the cabinet and slung the shower curtain back, almost expecting to find a broken razor blade.

He didn't. All he found were the all too familiar shampoos, conditioners, hair masks, shower gels and soaps. Relieved he let out the breath he never realized he was holding so tightly in his chest. "_Thank you." _He whispered to no one in particular. "Thank you."

He pulled back the curtain and entered back in to the bedroom to find Raito sitting up and rubbing his eyes sleepily. Raito looked at L curiously, as if he had to remember where he came from. "You're still here?" He asked.

L bit his thumb nail looking at him. "Yes."

"Oh." Raito's eyes scanned down L's chest to his abs then further down to his feet. "Don't you have work maybe?"

"No."

The boy gave a small chuckle somewhat humored. L didn't know why. "I don't guess your much for words in the morning."

"I answered your questions."

"Yeah…I guess you did. Uhm, I got school though. I have an essay to turn in." He began running his fingers through his hair nervously as he finished quietly, "You should probably go now."

L didn't want to go. He didn't want to leave him. Not now. He wasn't the Raito he knew, but he still wanted him. He'd take Raito however he could have him. "May I use your shower?"

Raito shrugged. "Sure. Why not? The left knob is hot and the right is cold." He then got out of bed, wrapping the sheet around his waist like L didn't get a full view of everything last night, and walked to the closet.

Mentally L cursed. He forgot the closet. How could he forget the stupid closet? Biting through the nail harshly, he turned on his heels, and went to the bathroom almost frustrated enough to claw his hair out. Raito/Light was the most infuriating and frustrating human in existence. First he's Kira, tricking him and outwitting him at every corner, even managing to kill him at one point, and then he's a lost, troubled, scared teenger. L would never rest when it came to that boy.

L stripped and got in, turning the cold water on then the warm, until it was perfectly lukewarm. Under the spray of the water he closed his eyes and let the water rinse through his gelled tresses down to his shoulders and back, relaxing him.

Light knocked on the door. "Hey, Ryuzaki?" Without waiting for an answer he opened the door. "I have some clothes you can borrow if you want."

"Thank you, Light."

"No problem. Im laying them here next to the sink. K?"

"Alright."

As he heard the door close, L shut off the water and pulled back the curtain. He knew better to linger, and so after he dried his self off, he slipped himself into the jeans the boy left for him. They were snug on his hips and thighs, but they would have to do for now. He tugged on the blue shirt and smiled. It was a button down dress shirt.

L rolled the sleeves up to his elbows and ran his fingers through his wet hair, not bothering to do anything else with it. He met Light in the kitchen. "Thank you for the clean clothing."

"No problem. Do you live near by..or…have money for a cab?"

L could have smirked out loud. The boy spent a night of rough, passionate love making with him, and now he was pushing him out the door as he casually sipped on some orange juice.

"Don't worry about me." _As if you would_. "I can take a cab."

"Ok, good. I'm late for class."

L took the hint and left. He found Ryuk outside floating in the air across the street just above a fruit stand, eating an apple. "Where have you been?" He asked, not exactly caring.

The shinigami gave a short chuckle, then spoke around the apple chunks in his mouth and teeth, "The guy just left all these apples here all night. They'd have gone to waist if I didn't help myself."

L looked at the stand and at the small sign hanging on the side. "That poor man will be opening his stand soon. I hope Ryuk has not eaten him out of a career."

Ryuk didn't seem to care. He grabbed a few apples for the road and hung onto them carefully.

L headed back to his hotel to check in with Watari, and to do the most boring thing of all, wait.

Raito never thought for a minute he would miss high school. College was suppose to be mature, that big step into adult hood, and that place where everyone said he would have the best times of his life. Maybe for everyone else, but not Raito.

The teenager looked down as he made his way from the door to the road praying to any God to allow him to make it without having to face Tyson Kurono. The six foot tall blond whom Raito owed plenty of money. Raito had just reached across the street when a hand laid firmly on his shoulder. "Hey Yagami."

Raito tensed, his shoulders rising almost to his ears. _Shit. _He closed his eyes and turned around slowly, but then quickly breathed a sigh of relief. Not Tyson. It was just his goons. They weren't that bad.

The goon that held Raito by the shoulder went by the name Hiro. He was tall and pretty ripped with a brand new scar above his eye. He was only a year older than Raito and before he got a gym membership and got all them muscles, Raito beat him up for thinking he could try and get purvey with his baby sister, Sayu.

"You got Tyson's money?" Hiro asked.

Raito shrugged. "If I did, I would be stupid to trust you to take it to him."

"Aww" Hiro whined, placing his hand on his wounded heart. "That hurt my feelings."

"You don't have any feelings Hiro. Just _urges."_

"You're right. And I've got the urge to pound your face in."

Although he was pretty scared, Raito stood tall. "Yeah but if I don't have a face how can I work? And if I can't work how can I pay Tyson back the two hundred? But go ahead, satisfy your urge. But _you _can explain to Tyson why I don't have his money."

Hiro laughed, he was amused. He stepped closer to Raito, close enough to smell the spearmint on Raito's breath. "You should be careful what you say. Tyson doesn't own me."

"Oh? Then why are you on such a tight leash? I hear Tyson went to town on your ugly face a few days ago when you shortened his cut in Tsuzuki's payment. Have you been dipping your grimy fingers into the stash, Hiro?"

That did it. Hiro grabbed Raito by the collar of his shirt and slung him up against a near by car before leaning directly into Raito's face close enough to kiss. "Don't push me. I'll go to town on _your _face no matter what Tyson says."

"I'd like to see you try. I kicked your ass before and I can do it again."

Of course that was all talk. Raito couldn't kick this jerk's ass anymore than he could fix his messed up life. Hiro smiled, and glided his hand up Raito's shirt, rubbing his fingers against the skin on Raito's belly. Raito gulped and instinctively tightened his stomach muscles as the sensation flew through his body.

"You're sister was just as feisty. But I think you're a hell of a lot prettier. You're skin is softer too."

Raito could have vomited right then. But luckily someone decided to be his superhero.

Too bad it was Tyson.

"You want to be a little less rough on him Hiro? Raito's a good boy, he has my money. Don't you Raito?"

Raito thought of his grocery list. His rent. And the money he owed his dad. It was all in his back pocket. The problem was, what did he want more? The roof over his head, the food in his belly, his father's last remaining respect for him, or his face? Sadly, Raito went with his face. "Yeah, I got your money."

"I knew it. Lets see it Yagami."

"Well if you'd call your perverted henchman off of me I might could reach in my pocket and actually hand it to you."

Tyson rubbed his chin thinking. Then decided, "Mmm, no. Hiro search his pockets."

Roughly, Hiro turned Raito over as if he were being arrested, and patted him down till he found the black wallet. He pulled out the two hundred they needed and handed it to his boss.

Tyson gave Raito a friendly smile. "Pleasure doing business with you. Hiro, you can have your fun now."

"What?" Raito struggled to get out from under the idiot. "I paid you!"

"Think of it as a late fee. Next time be on time."

"That's bullshit!" Raito fought to turn around and get Hiro off but he wasn't strong enough. Hiro managed to hold onto Raito as he opened the back door of the car they were leaning on.

But as he attempted to toss Raito into the backseat, Raito's one night stand appeared out of no where. "I think the boy doesn't want to go."

"Oh yeah?" Hiro asked.

"Yes. He specifically stated 'that's bullshit'. If you recall."

Hiro laughed. "What I don't recall is asking your opinion. Get lost."

"I can't do that. The boy doesn't want to go with you. If you don't allow him to leave, I will be required to force you."

Raito cringed. _I hope you can fight, Ryuzaki. Because Hiro is going to kill you. _

Hiro realized he was going to have to teach this retard what it meant to 'get lost'. This was between him and Raito. "Look, unless you want a new face and a dental bill, I'd advise you to mind your business."

"That is just the thing. Raito _is_ my business." And with that statement, Raito's eyes widened as he saw the best capoeira moves he had ever seen in his life. It all happened so fast. It seemed all he saw was a glimpse of Ryuzaki swinging his foot up with his hands in his pockets, knocking Hiro out after only a few rounds.

L held his hand out, ignoring Ryuk's awed expression of his performance. "May I walk you home?" He asked the teen. "I remember the way."

Raito was not only impressed, but in shock. How did this guy fight so well? And how did he know his real name was Raito? The boy's eyes narrowed suspiciously, yet he suddenly felt very, very safe. "Okay." He took his one night stand's hand and walked toward the direction of his apartment.

The walk was quiet, both a little scared after the incident. Finally it was Raito who broke it. "How long had you been watching?"

"Only a moment. I got there around the time he began searching your pockets. Why did Raito have to pay him?"

Raito thought a moment, taking out a cigarette and sliding it between his pretty, pink lips. "I'll answer your questions if you answer mine."

"I'll answer your questions if you put that down."

"It's not lit."

"Then why place it into your mouth?"

Raito sighed and tossed the fresh stick on the ground. "Happy?"

"Ecstatic." Was the sarcastic reply.

Raito laughed. "Alright. First question, what were you doing at the university? Do you go there?"

"No. I was…taking a stroll."

"A stroll huh?" The corner of Raito's lips formed a smile. "Why don't I believe that?"

"You're a young teenager who just happened to go through an ordeal that could very possibly scar you for life."

Raito laughed. "No. I think I'm suspicious because that's the second time you have showed up out of nowhere to help me. What do you want?"

"I don't want anything."

"I don't believe that."

"Why not?"

"You don't know me." The teen argued before flately stating, "And you slept in my bed last night."

"Then help me to know you. And I believe I was offered an invitation."

Raito looked up at Ryuzaki with accusing eyes. "How is it that you know my real name?"

L stopped walking. "Your_ real _name? I don't know what you-"

"Earlier you called me Raito. I told you my name was Light."

Shit. L bit his thumb. How could he have screwed up? "I… I.."

"I knew it! I know you from somewhere. I just can't place you. Why are you lying to me?"

"I'm not lying to you. We, uh, I can explain."

"Start explaining."

"I uhm.." The wheels in L's brain began to turn. Raito putting him on the spot made him nervous. How embarrassing. If it were any other human being L would be as cool as ever. But it was Raito and he was gazing at him with piercing eyes and those cheeks and that nose. "I, I, I like you. Yes, that's simply all there is. I like you."

Somewhere in the distance Ryuk began a string of laughter. _Hyuk... Hyuk… "Real smooth."_

"You_…like _me_?_"

"Yes. I could not get you off my mind. I had to see you again."

"How flattering." Raito wasn't impressed. "That doesn't explain a single thing."

"Yes, it does."

"How?"

"I was in your apartment last night. I saw your school books and made a wild guess as to your school. As for your name, I heard that boy call you 'Raito'."

"But you said you came around the time he searched my pockets. He never called me Raito after."

"Didn't he?"

"No."

"I'm quite certain he did. However I will ask this one question, does it really matter? I have not harmed you, have I?"

Suddenly that safe feeling came bubbling back inside of Raito. He found himself smiling, almost amused. "You're pretty weird. But I guess not."

L noticed they were at the tiny apartment. He didn't want to watch Raito go again. This time, he was sure he wouldn't get an invitation to come inside.

Raito walked to his door, yet before going in he turned back to Ryuzaki, or whoever he might really be. "You can pick me up at seven."

"Seven?"

"Yeah. You said you liked me. I might think your pretty cute too if I were eating at say, a nice restaurant."

L could have done a cartwheel. "Seven it is."


	8. We stumble in a tangled web

Chapter Eight: We Stumble In A Tangled Web

Nervous, L stood just outside the teen's apartment. His palms were sweaty thinking about it. A date. They were going out on a date. L and Raito. Just the two of them. For the first time.

Gently, he knocked. There were some shuffling sounds before Raito opened the door dressed in nothing but a towel that he held at his waist, his hair dripping drops of water down his shoulders and to his chest. "You're early." He commented dryly.

"It's better to be early than tardy, no?"

"Not for some things."

L shuffled his feet under the boy's gaze. "Shall I come back?"

Raito shook his head, strands of wet hair slinging more water onto shoulders. "No. Come on in. Are you thirsty or anything? What can I get you?"

"I am fine. Thank you."

Raito motioned for 'Ryuzaki' to take a seat on the couch as he entered into his bedroom to get dressed. L brought his knees to his chest and looked around. Everything looked the same as before. At least this time he had the promise from Ryuk to stay quite the entire time. It only took a never-ending supply of apples, what else?

Ten minutes later Raito returned dressed in dark jeans, a white sweater and perfectly combed hair. L stood with a smile. "You look nice, Light." _Beautiful to be exact._

A pink blush tinted the younger's cheeks. "Thank you. Calm me Raito, since you know, you already know the name Light is a fake."

"That can be done."

"Thank you. You're very polite." He observed.

"My father raised me properly." And by father, he meant dear old Watari, the man who was fuming this very minute for L having run off to another country without any real explanation other than, "a vacation".

"Hm. Any particular place you have in mind tonight?" Raito asked.

"I would like to go wherever Raito desires. Where would you love to go Raito?"

The boy shrugged uncaring as he slipped on his shoes. "Wherever." He then pulled out a familiar pack of cigarettes and lit up. He sucked in the nicotine as if it was the best drug in the world.

L watched in disgust. "Then I choose a non-smoking restaurant for dinner."

Raito's lips curved into a smile around the white stick before blowing out a large puff of light grey smoke.

At a restaurant name _BlUe_, seated in the back corner of the room, Raito studied the menu. The place his one night stand chose was very expensive. However, the guy said he was paying, so Raito tried to just relax and order something reasonable, but it was hard when everything seemed to cost more than Raito made in a week.

"You know, a coffee shop or a local McDonald's would have been okay with me. I was only kidding when I said fancy restaurant."

"I am very much aware. Raito may order whatever he desires."

Raito looked down again at the menu. He felt strange ordering something so expensive. He didn't want to be rude, so when the pretty server came to take their orders, he ordered the house special, and a glass of water. He would just split the bill with Ryuzaki.

"And what can I get for you?" She asked sweetly, watching L with fascinated eyes.

L had been studying the dessert menu for the past ten minutes. He had missed being home with Watari and all the sweets he could imagine. Now he felt like he was back in heaven. "I will have the strawberry cheesecake, the chocolate mousse ice-cream, the prosciutto e melone and the raspberry pudding…"

Raito and the server's eyes widened slightly at the list. Ryuzaki paid no attention as he held out his menu and pointed directly to an item. "And this sponge cake. It looks delicious."

Raito held his hands up in protest. "Whoa, Ryuzaki. Slow down. I don't even really like sweets."

"I'm not ordering it for you." He said with a straight face as he handed the menu back to the now fully repulsed server.

Raito raised an eyebrow in disbelieve. "You're going to eat all of that by yourself?"

"Yes. Unless Raito would like to help. I am fully willing to share."

"No." Raito laughed, amused by the entire situation. It was like the old cartoons where the characters could eat and eat and eat and never get sick or gain weight. "No, thank you. I'm not much for sweets."

The server shuffled her nervously feet. Did she dare ask? She cleared her throat and went for it, "Would you…like a drink with that?"

"Oh.." L had almost forgotten. "Yes. Coffee. Black. Bring plenty of sugar."

"Uh huh…" She walked off whispering something under her breath. L paid no attention. He turned his eyes back to the teenager, "Raito will answer my questions now, yes?"

Raito shrugged. "Sure, but a question for a question. It's only deal."

L nodded. He could agree to such simple terms. "Question number one: why does someone so young and beautiful, making it into one of Japan's finest colleges, chose such a place of employment?"

Raito sat back in his chair. He didn't expect that, but he decided to be truthful. "It's hard to find a job that can cover all of my bills. Waiting tables at a gay strip club does. Sometimes I get a tip that can pay my whole rent."

"But Raito is in college; surely you can find an internship?"

Raito shook his head. "Not your turn. Have we met before? And don't lie."

L took that question in high consideration. The truth would be lovely, but he softly whispered, "No." He knew the truth would only confuse Raito, or worse, repeat history.

Raito looked relieved at the response, and yet somewhat disappointed. "Oh. Ok."

"Why do you live on your own? While studying in college, why not live at home?"

"That's two questions."

"Not really."

"Yeah, it is." The teen argued, dying for a smoke. "I live on my own because… well, because I want to. My father and I don't get along so well. It's easier."

L didn't understand. In the original time line, Raito didn't live on his own. He lived with his respectable parents as any good college student would. Raito and his father were also very close. Well, as close as Raito would allow. Ratio was distant but his father spoiled him. Why is their a change in their relationship? What have you done Raito?

The boy took his next turn, "Are you lying to me in any way?"

With much amusement with this question, L answered quizzically, "It's possible."

"Possible? What the hell do-"

"Uh uh uh. Raito is breaking his own rules. Why does Raito owe that man money?"

The boy shrugged somewhat bored with that question as he looked away at other guests in the restaurant. "Sometimes I'm short and I need a little cash. Sometimes the tips aren't enough to pay the bills."

"Surely Raito could go to his father. I'm sure he-"

Raito cut him off quickly, "My turn. How old are you?"

"Twenty-five. What do you do for him?"

"I don't understand. Do what, for who?"

"That boy today. I know loan sharks, Raito. They do not loan out money for nothing. What do you do in return?"

Raito fidgeted. That was not a good sign. "Different stuff."

L didn't miss a beat, "Define _stuff_."

Raito sighed. "I run errands. Okay?"

"Define errands."

Raito rolled his eyes and played with the silverware on the table, "You don't let up, do you?"

"No." L's eyes locked with the teens. Both wanted the other to give in. The tension was high and the server bringing their drinks could have cut it with a knife. She placed the coffee in front of L, and then the water by Raito's now twitching hand.

When she left, Raito gave in weakly, "I deliver items. I take messages. I do whatever I am asked to do and if I can pay the money I borrowed back before my time is up I can borrow again and stay on their good side."

L did not like the sound of that. "What type of items?" He asked as he stirred his coffee.

The boy fidgeted. "_Whatever." _He was getting agitated. "It varies. Are you a fucking cop?"

"Raito's father is."

It was out before L could stop it. Raito's eyes narrowed. "I don't remember telling you that. How do you what my father does for a living?"

"You told me."

"No I didn't."

"Yes. You did. You just don't remember."

Raito was annoyed now. Seriously annoyed. Who the fuck was this? "You're trying to confuse me. Or drive me insane."

"I think Raito is already confused." He said. "About many things. Now, if you will answer all of my questions then I will answer Raito's as promised."

"Forget that deal. I think I deserve to know how you just happen to know things about me when you swear we've never met before."

Raito was getting roused, but L stayed calm, hoping to keep his control, "It's merely a question. I wonder why Raito is so scared to answer me. Is it because you are dealing with illegal items?"

"_Scared?"_

"Yes, you are stalling the answer to my every question."

"Fine!" The boy threw his hands into the air defeated, "I sometimes deliver drugs alright? Sometimes I don't even know what is inside the packages. Are you happy? Is that what you wanted to know?"

L's eyes darted quickly around at the other customers. Did they hear? "Raito.." He whispered under his breath. "_Drugs?" _L was completely in shock. That answer was beyond out of character for Raito. _"_You shouldn't be involved wi-"

" Hey I don't take any of them. Okay? Don't get the wrong idea. I don't take them at all. I stay away from them now. All right? I'm not like Tyson and the rest. I don't sell _or _make them. I just deliver."

L placed his spoon that he was stirring with back on the table. He pulled his knees closer to his chest. "You stay away from them…._now_?"

Raito's lips parted as he realized his error. _Shit. _"I… I got to go." Raito was gone from the restaurant before L could place his feet down onto the floor. He laid a considerable amount of money down then raced after the teen, hoping to correct this.

He caught Raito at the end of the street at a bus stop, sitting on a bench. He was pulling out his pack of cigarettes from his pocket. "Raito…" L took the empty space beside him.

"Get away from me." He did not bother to look up. Ryuzaki was irritating and nosey and beyond ordinary. He was a bastard and a creepy person who knew excessively too much. Yet…Raito felt himself scooting a centimeter closer to the warmth and safety coming off the stranger.

"I didn't mean to upset you. I apologize."

Raito ignored him. He lit his cigarette and enjoyed the nicotine. He had been craving this all night. As well as secretly craving to get closer to this man who smelled oddly like candy and shampoo.

"Raito I only meant to try and understand the situation you are in. I just want to help. I'm not your enemy."

"I don't want your help. I don't need help."

"Not from where I'm standing."

Raito chuckled, "You're not standing."

L was unfazed. "Raito I only want to help get your life back on track. Let me in. Let me help you. You don't realize how much better your life could be if you let me help. We can fix things between you and your father. It doesn't have to be this way."

Raito glanced at the man next to him. His very dark eyes were swimming with knowledge. Raito knew they knew each other. They had definitely met before. Ryuzaki was lying. Raito just could not remember… or be sure…

"But you have to help me." L continued, hoping he was getting through. "You have to help me to help you. You need to start at the beginning with a different job, then solving the problem with your parents and get new friends. Friends who are not involved in illegal drugs. I can help you to-"

Raito suddenly figured it out. Why did it take him so long? Damn, this should have been easy. "I get it."

"Do you?"

"Yeah. I get it now. All your prying into the deliveries… You're a counselor. Or you're a new probation officer. Or something."

"What? No. Raito I'm not-"

"Well you almost had me convinced you were just someone who cared. Now who sent you? My dad or the court? But I have to say, sleeping with your new charity case can get you fired."

Raito took another drag before wiping his eye. Was he crying? L stood, stepping close to the boy, ready to grab him if he tried to run again. "Raito I am not sent by anyone. Just listen to me."

"No, _you_ listen! Don't you pity me. I am doing just fine on my own. That little act though, you almost had me fooled. That's how you knew my name, how you knew about my father, everything about me. I am such an idiot! I can't believe I fell for anther one of my dads stupid tricks." He tossed the cigarette down cursing. "I am so stupid."

"No your not. It's not like that. Raito I am not sent by anyone. I am here of my own accord. "

"Drop it, okay?" The boy stood, trying to stretch up to be taller, to intimidate Ryuzaki but it didn't work. Instead, he said, "Just get away from me."

A bus pulled up and stopped. The doors hissed open. Raito was going to leave again. L grabbed the teen's sleeve. He was losing Raito all over again. He had to do something; he was desperate to keep him there. "Raito, I am not who you think I am. I'm not a counselor."

"Yeah right. Let me guess, you want to help me out of the goodness of your heart? Please, save your breath! I am not an idiot. Now let me go." He jerked his arm, pulling away and ran onto the bus. The doors slammed close behind him. He walked to the back of the bus watching from the windows as "Ryuzaki" stared back at him, still talking though Raito could not hear a word he was saying.

The bus began to move, rocking Raito on his feet so he slid into the nearest seat, scooting next to the window as the bus pulled away, taking him to…Raito didn't know. He wanted to get away. His one night stand could be dangerous. Raito didn't know who he was. Did he ever ask the man for identification? …No…

Stupid. Stupid. Raito knew better. He was taught better. Ryuzaki could be a serial killer.

Though if he was dangerous… why did Raito feel so comfortable when the guy was around? Why was the mere presence of this guy stirring so many emotions inside of him? Why was he familiar looking? Why did Raito feel like he has known this Ryuzaki for a long time?

Alone at the bus stop, L stood there a long while; wondering if he should have gotten on the bus. Raito had looked so confused and hurt. There was no guessing where he would go. Unless he was going home, but Raito had that 'I need to escape' look, which for every teenager meant anywhere but home.

L slid his hands into his pockets and kicked a pebble. His thoughts swirled around like a whirlpool, sucking him down into depression. Somehow, through an hour of aimless wandering, he found himself at the steps of Raito's apartment. He sat down on them, pulling his knees up. Ryuk floated above him quietly. "Ryuk…"

"Hm?"

"I blew it again. Maybe I should have been honest with him. He obviously is just as smart as ever. He knows I am more than I appear. The only clues I've given him have missing and confusing pieces."

Ryuk wasn't listening, L knew it but he needed to vent his thoughts aloud whether or not the shinigami cared. "He's gathered that I can't be trusted. I have not exactly given him a reason to either. I know all that but… Telling him what he used to be cannot be helpful to him in any way. He obviously has too much to deal with already."

"So?" Ryuk was bored.

"I need to talk to him, but Raito is as hard to crack open now as he has ever been. And I have upset him terribly tonight. He is a danger to himself right now. If anything happens to him tonight it will be my own fault."

L tightened his arms around his knees. He would wait for Raito to return home. Looking for the teen with no clues and in a city so large, it would only be a waist of time and energy. He only hoped Raito would come home soon.

L decided to go back to his hotel room around one a.m. Raito had still not come home. Where he was L could not guess, but he knew it was not Soichiro's.

Author Note: I am really sorry for the lack of updating to this story. I am making it up to you by posting several new chapters at once :)


	9. These wounds, they will not heal

Chapter Nine: These wounds, they will not heal

L gave Raito a day to calm down. Then, too nervous yet to face the boy's wrath, he gave him another day before he made his way back over to the boy's apartment, but Raito was not home. He waited another day, but Raito never came back home. L was sure Raito would not have gone to his parent's…so where?

Worried, L decided to drop into the little gay bar that Raito worked at around nine pm, hoping Raito would be on duty. No such luck. It was the weekend and crowded with young adults, but no Raito. L gathered enough courage to ask the bartended about the teen. It was a different bartender than the one from before, but the guy smiled secretively before nodding, "I know Raito. He's off tonight. Check at home."

"I checked his apartment already. Thank you anyways."

The bartender shrugged but a young waiter standing next to L emptying a trey of glasses said, "He's probably hitting the parties. Raito likes to unwind on his nights off. The waiter and bartender shared a little smile together, as if they knew more about Raito than L.

L asked, "Can you tell me which parties and where?"

The waiter asked, "You a new boyfriend or something?"

"Or something." L could be just as secretive.

The waiter laughed. "Raito is probably at Tyson's party." L shivered at the mention of Raito's other, more conspicuous boss. "The guy is having a big bash tonight. Select few. You won't get in."

"I won't?"

"No. VIP party, if you catch my drift."

"Are you on the invite list?"

The waiter shrugged playfully. "I may be."

"Could you take me? I need to find Raito. It's important."

"You have to wait till I get off."

"Thank you."

"I get off in three hours."

L groaned. "No sooner?"

He laughed. "Sorry I got to pay the rent. Have a seat. I'll come get you when my shift ends."

L took a seat and ordered a strawberry daiquiri. Patiently, he waited out the three hours. By the time the boy came over to L in jeans and a red tank top it was midnight. L could only imagine what Raito must be up to by now at a party hosted by a loan shark and drug dealer.

The boy escorted L to a large apartment building down town. It was a little more glamorous than Raito's, but not by far. There looked to be about only five apartments in total, but they were large apartments, looking like they had plenty of space and each with tall hedges by the front doors.

The young waiter took L's hand in his for show, and knocked on the door of the apartment where bass beats pounded on the other side.

A boy with spike black hair and a ripped wife beater opened the door. He leaned in the doorway with a bottle of beer dangling in one hand. The boy who had escorted L smiled cheerfully, "Hey Roz."

"Who's he?" His eyes drifted to L whose head was growing a headache from the loud music.

"My date. He's new in town and I wanted to show him the best time he can have. You mind?"

Roz shrugged. "Tyson would just be glad you actually came for once."

The waiter laughed, ran his free hand through his thick brown hair in a flirtatious manner and said, "Well, I am a busy guy."

Roz made room them the two to come through the door. The waiter led L down a maze of people and into a stale-smelling kitchen. Then he dropped L's hand. "As far as I go. I make it a habit not to associate with this crowd. No offense or anything but Raito doesn't have the best of friends if you know what I mean."

"I thought-"

"Naw sorry. You thought wrong. Raito is around here somewhere, you will find him I'm sure. But my sister lives a few blocks over, I live with her. Now I got you in, so you're welcome and all but now I got to go."

Left standing alone, L looked around the room through the haze of cigarette smoke. Where to start? People were crowded everywhere, leaving almost no room at all to move. L didn't like the lack of space between his own body and others. He was not use to places like this.

Taking a deep breath, he knew he had to tough it out just long enough to find Raito. He began moving around through the apartment's rooms looking for the teen, completely scared at what he would find. The people, mostly men, and a few boys L was positive could not have been old enough to drive, were crowded everywhere talking, laughing, kissing, and drinking. This was no place for impressionable boys.

He was about to give up when a half-naked blur came flying past him in what L was thinking was a small computer room. "Raito!"

Raito whirled around and almost dropped the handful of napkins he was pressing to his left temple. L noticed the boy was shirtless and barefoot. His plaid boxers were stained down both legs and he reeked of sweat, cologne, and…lubricant? His amber eyes were wide-awake but his pupils were almost nonexistent as they looked into L's black irises, and his hair, matted with sweat, looked sticky and gummy.

"Can you take me to the hospital?" Raito's breathy words were spoken almost too fast for L to understand.

"Raito…" L could not think. His brain had switched off power as he stared at this once beautiful and intelligent boy.

"See, I was laying in the floor…and there was this spider…and, and it was crawling towards me…you see, and it bit me and I think it crawled into my skin and now it's be-behind my eyes and I can't see too good and I can totally feel it moving and I-"

"Raito…"

"tried to get it out." He carried on. "But I didn't have any tweezers…" He dropped his crumpled napkins by his foot, revealing a jumble of scratches that traveled down the whole side of the teens face.

L felt his jaw drop. He felt his head shake, as if just shaking the image away would make Raito back to normal. The kid bent over, picking up his napkins. "I tried to use a fork but it wouldn't get deep enough." Raito scratched at his face, his eyes jerking around the room as if looking for something in a hurry.

L noticed the blue bags under his eyes. Had Raito been awake for three days?

"I can feel it _crawling._" The boy scratched harder.

L grabbed Raito's wrist, forcing his nails away from his face. "Don't."

Using all his skill not to vomit from the smell, L wrapped an arm around the boy's waist. "Where is the bathroom, Raito?"

The boy began shaking his head, his eyes dropping to the floor. He pressed his closed fist to his forehead and mumbled something under his breath that L couldn't understand, but L knew he was talking to himself anyways. Raising his voice, L demanded, "Where is the bathroom, Raito? Do you know?"

With a whimper of a scolded child, Raito lifted his hand and pointed. L followed his directions. In the bathroom, he propped the boy up against the counter by the sink. He turned the water on snatching a hand towel off the rack behind him. He wet it thoroughly then pressed it to Raito's temple. "Hold this there. Can you do that?"

Raito brushed him away. "The spider! Make it get out!"

"Don't pick at it! Raito, _no_." Using force, he grabbed Raito's hands and held them down. "Look at me. _Look_ _at me Raito_." The boy's bottom lip quivered, and a light seemed to go off in his head as he snatched his gaze up from the floor to lock eyes with L. "Do not touch your face." L ordered. "Am I understood here? Do not touch your face."

Raito nodded his understanding. He seemed unable to take his eyes off L now. Those simple words; _Look_ _at me Raito. _They seemed to echo in the teens mind, unlocking a door to the sound of voices that seemed to come only from a dream.

_Look at me Raito. Don't close your eyes. Look at me._

_it's under my...sh,shirt.._

_Shh, keep looking at me. Don't close your eyes. _

L asked, "Where are your clothes?" The boy's gaze continued unblinking. "Raito…" L sighed. "Where. Are. Your. Clothes?"

The boy shook his head. A louder voice had come through, silencing the others. He scratched at his face. "I can still feel it." He whined.

L had had enough of this. He wrapped his arms around Raito, steadied him, and then marched into the hallway with him. Raito began pointing then. "In there." He said.

"Your clothes are in there?"

Raito didn't answer. L half carried Raito to the room he pointed out. He opened the door to find it was a bedroom with four guys inside on the bed having sex. L looked away. Jesus Christ, what has Raito gotten himself in to?

He decided to take control of the situation. These guys were probably on whatever drug was still raging through Raito's system. "NPA!" He shouted. That caught their attention. "My apologies but the party is over. I have watched everything you've done from a tiny camera hidden in the fire detector. I will give you a twenty minute head start."

They scrambled out of the bed faster than lightening. They had all taken their clothes off at different parts of the room. L waited until they were dressed and gone before he dropped the teenager onto the bed. The sheet looked stained and gross. L knew if the boy was in his right mind he would punch L dead square in the jaw for setting him down on something so disgusting. But Raito was not in the right state of mind. Right now, he believed a bug had taken up residence behind his eye.

L sorted through the assortment of clothes left on the floor for Raito's, but he could not find anything that remotely looked like something the boy would wear or even fit him. Eventually L came across a shirt just Raito's size. A plain white T. L brought the shirt to his nose and breathed deep. He smelled Raito's cologne. "Is this yours?" L looked to the boy for answers but Raito was too busy digging at his face. "No! I said not to do that." He grabbed Raito's hand away from his face then shoved the shirt in it. "Is this yours?"

Raito rolled over onto his side, curling into a fetal position. L had to just go with it. He forced Raito to sit up and slipped the shirt over his head. It was a perfect fit. L then found a pair of baggy, ripped up jeans. He placed them on Raito and found that they fit perfectly as well.

Looking down at the boy whose pupils had shrunk to nothing, whose hair was tangled and dirty, whose body reeked of something sickening, he saw that Raito looked like a simple, normal teenager in this outfit. A real teenager. One who doesn't comb his hair. One who sleeps all day and stays up all night. One who doesn't study as if his life depended on it and who didn't try to save the world from itself.

Too bad L knew better.

He snatched Raito out of the bed and helped him down the hallway. The blood traveling down Raito's face helped keep the other party guests from getting too close or interfering. Once outside, L called a taxi, placing himself and Raito inside of it. He gave the driver the boy's address, and then held the cloth to Raito's temple. "You don't need stitches. A bandage, however, is in order." The look in Raito's eyes at that moment told L the boy was seeing either three of him, or none at all. It was going to be a long night.

Outside of the apartment, L leaned the boy against the door so he could feel Raito's pockets for the key. There was nothing. The pockets were empty. "Raito, where did you put the key?"

The boy mumbled something about bugs. L sighed.

"I can let you in." A neighbor stood in the hall, just outside his own apartment. "That boy gave me a key a while back. He is always losing his. He says anyways."

Raito was not one to lose things. That was a thought for another day. L had to get the kid inside. He took the key offered to him by the neighbor, unlocked the door and went in dropping Raito down onto the couch.

"I've watched that kid." The neighbor said, peering into Raito's apartment. "He's running from something." He glanced at Raito with sympathy. "On some days, I don't think he even knows what he's running _from_."

L frowned at hearing this. He pulled off Raito's shoes then his shirt. "Come on. You need a shower."

Raito moaned, trying to push L away. "I don't have it under my shirt!"

"Come on, Raito. Help me undress you."

The neighbor watched a few minutes, then growing bored, left. L ignored it and forced Raito up and into the bathroom where he tried stripping off the boy's pants.

"I can do it." He pushed L off with a small, but harsh shove.

"Alright." L removed his own shirt, shoes, and pants.

At the sight of seeing him naked, Raito smiled and moved into L's personal space expecting more than a common shower.

"No, Raito." Gently, L pulled the shower curtain back, turning on the water. He climbed in, holding his hand out for the other. Raito obeyed. He let L scrub his body with the bath wash. Twice. Then allowed him to wash his hair and even brush his teeth after they dried off.

Tired, L finally put Raito to bed in simple pajamas. They boy rolled onto his back, his eyes wide, his breathing heavy. Then he started picking at his arm. "Don't." L ordered

"I'll stop when I can feel again."

"You can feel, Raito."

"The spi-"

"There is no spider." He said calmly.

"It's in my skin in my arm now and it's eating everything and I-" L didn't listen. He didn't want to listen.

He stared down at the boy for a while. Just watching him. L wanted to hurt him as much as he had hurt himself. Is this what L gave up half his life span for? A kid who pumped himself full of drugs and took part in an orgy with four guys too old for him?

L stood there until the boys eyes began to droop; then he went to gather all of Raito's dirty clothes, tossing them into the hamper in the bathroom. He checked on Raito one more time, placing his hand upon the boy's chest to make sure it was still rising and falling, then went back to the couch. He sat there for a long time just thinking.

Without any control, L stood up and flipped the coffee table over. The contents spilled to the floor. He kicked through the schoolbooks, kicking them out of his way. He was boiling with rage. Raito was the one he was trying to save by giving up half his life and Raito was throwing his own life away willingly.

The absurdity of it could have caused him to bark madly with laughter. Instead, he punched the wall with his fist until he was out of breath. He fell back onto the couch closing his eyes. It was awhile before he finally drifted off to sleep.

He awoke the next morning to find Ratio still in bed, tangled in his bed sheets like a little kid. L let him stay there. Raito needed rest and L certainly was not ready for words between them.


	10. Maybe memories

Chapter TEN: Maybe memories

_It's me. I've done it."_

_"What have you done?" _

_"Ruined the world."_

_"I doubt one young man can claim such a title for himself."_

Raito dreamed. Not often in his life, but when he did it was always a repeat, something he had dreamed about before. In his dreams, he was often called out onto the rooftop by an unknown voice. This unknown voice was always forcing Raito to admit it. Admit what?

_Tell me Raito, from the moment you were born, has there ever been a point where you actually told the truth?_

Standing alone on the rooftop, the voice's question brought on a powerful desire to jump. A desire so strong that it alone almost pulls him over the edge, but something keeps him from jumping and ending his own life. Raito could never put a face to that strong voice.

Sometimes, there are other voices. Voices that have faces he knows he's never seen, and these faces he knows has names he never heard of except in his dreams. The voices were always whispers and just as unrecognizable as the many faces.

He never paid them much attention; these dreams, because everyone dreams. Everyone has nightmares on occasions. However, lately, they no longer seemed to be strange dreams but that of forgotten memories. Except Raito never stood on a rooftop with a desire to jump. In fact, he was sure he never stood on a roof top period. And he knew was that it was guilt that led the desire for him to jump, to end it…

…but guilt for what? What crime was so bad that, even in a dream, he would think; _just jump. No one would miss you. _

Why would no one miss me?

_No one would try to save you. _

Why?

These dreams he has had for a year. For one year, he has desperately tried to vanquish the emotions that came with the dreams. Dreams that were oddly like memories. But the voices…they don't go away no matter how many happy pills you take. The voices are always there.

So Raito dreamed. The voices continued to speak to him, this time sounding like echoing screams coming at him from all sides. This time with the force and the rush of the methamphetamine in his system. This time with no escape from his own mind.

_The sound of the bell has been unusually loud today…_

_What are you doing standing out there by yourself? -Hey, wait!-God, if there is a God..-Do you hear the bell?-Wait!- forgive me..-Rey Penber-you never believe me-Ten more seconds!-I'll do anything-love apples- don't answer the phone!-came to Japan-Sometimes a lie is all someone can say-The world has to be fixed!-I love you-just as planned-Wait!-Please-Don't you hear it?_

_Please!_

_I don't hear anyth-_

Raito woke with a jolt, sitting straight up in the bed, his body drenched heavily in sweat. His heart was pounding. As his eyes blinked, adjusting to his surroundings, he realized he was home. In his own bed.

The boy rubbed his eyes and layback down, taking in deep breaths to calm himself. He tried to remember what happened last. He went to Tyson's to get away and ended up staying a few days… How long?

Ratio opened his eyes and instantly saw the sores on his arm. It made the side of his head hurt for some reason. Shit. _What the hell did I do to myself? _A sound from the living room caught his attention. Someone was in the apartment. Raito bit his lip. Must be my dad, he thought.

Well, Raito certainly was not going to face his wrath anytime soon. Choosing to fall back into the nightmares rather than face his chief of police father, Raito slid further down into the bed, pulling the covers up to his chin, and falling almost instantly back to sleep.

It was not until evening that Raito finally pulled himself out of bed and into the land of the living. He emerged from the bedroom with his hair a bed head mess and eyes more focused than before. He ran his fingers through his soft hair and carefully looked at the man sitting on the floor putting the leg back onto his coffee table. "Oh." He said. "So it was you." Without speaking another word, the teen crossed the floor into the kitchen.

"You sound disappointed." Ryuzaki shouted so the boy could here.

"I'm surprised." Raito answered. He came back with a glass of water. "I thought it was my dad in here." Raito went straight for the pack of cigarettes on the counter. He slid one out of the pack and placed it into his mouth. This time the man didn't object. He reached into his pocket then held up his open palm to show he had the lighter. Then he lit the white stick his self.

When the man didn't protest, Raito asked, "Does the smoke bother you?"

"Yes."

"Did I do that to my table?"

The man's hands froze. He looked carefully at the boy, then softly shook his head. "I did. My apologies."

Raito looked around the rest of the room. Nothing else seemed to be damaged. "It's cool. It wasn't expensive or anything." He sat on the couch enjoying his cigarette and his water. He waited, but the man never commented again about the cigarette. "Why aren't you telling me to put this out?" He asked, wondering if Ryuzaki's feelings of 'I like you', had changed because of last night.

"This is your place." He said. "And because after last night the cigarette in your hand is the least of my concerns."

Ryuzaki lifted his head to share a brief look with the teen. Raito bit his lip embarrassed. "How did you find me? Or.." He caught the man's gaze. "did you already know where I was?" It was bait to get Ryuzaki to open up.

"I looked for you. A waiter friend of yours took me there. I didn't get his name. Are you okay?"

Raito looked down at his arm. Scratches covered the skin from the elbow down. He knew just from the pain on the side of his face that he did some major damage to himself. "I'm fine. It's my pride that's hurt."

"You really scared me. I will admit."

"I must have looked like something from a horror film."

"Yes. You frightened me."

Raito found himself inching closer to the man. The warmth coming from him was nice, causing those emotions he felt only when Ryuzaki was near. Raito didn't know how, but he knew this man was capable of making everything okay. "I didn't mean to. I'm embarrassed. I'd never want you to see me that way." He looked for a new spot to set the cup. Finding nowhere he just sat it next to his foot on the floor.

"Well…you shouldn't want anyone to see you that way."

"No." Raito ran a hand a shaking hand through his hair and took a drag. "Uhm, look, I'm sorry about yelling at you. At the bus station."

Ryuzaki stood and flipped the table back over. It was good as new. He stacked the schoolbooks back. He looked down at Raito's arm, frowning at site of it. "Can I clean up your face and arm? You must have bled in your sleep, there's blood all over the side of your face."

Raito blushed. "I don't mind."

In the bathroom, Raito made himself comfortable on the side of the tub. He watched the older man carefully pull out a few bandages from the cabinet under the sink. Raito licked his lips and cleared his throat. "Uhm, look, I should tell you that I don't do drugs often. I mean, I'm no addict. I'm not hooked. I just…sometimes I need an escape okay? Don't think that-"

"Why should my opinion matter?"

Taken back by the boldness of the question, he lied. "It doesn't."

Ryuzaki nodded. "Good then."

Raito held his arm out, and as Ryuzaki wrapped the gauze around the arm just below the elbow, he studied the man's face as it worked diligently. "You're angry."

"Angry?"

"Yeah. At me." With his free hand, Raito took a long drag off the cigarette and blew it out through his nose. He was trying to act casual. He was trying to act as if his chest wasn't tightening from guilt and sorrow and shame. Why did he care what this strange person thought about him?

Ryuzaki's nose crinkled. "I suggest you buy a nicotine patch. Next time you go out for groceries."

Raito felt himself deflate. Well, what had he wanted this man to say?

Finished, Ryuzaki dropped Raito's arm gently into his lap, then gave his attention to the boy's temple. "You did some real damage here."

Raito closed his eyes. Ryuzaki smelled too good. His touches were too soft. Raito wondered why this man had bothered to take him out of that hell and bring him back home, and even clean him up. Most would not do something like that. They would have called the cops.

Unless…

For a little moment, Raito wondered if this man drew to him in all the same ways that Raito drew to him.

Feeling a smile creep up on his lips, Raito whispered, "Thank you." _You still like me._

Ryuzaki pulled away and searched the cabinets for alcohol. "It's nothing." He said as he found cotton balls.

"No. Not for this. For bringing me home."

Ryuzaki laid the cotton balls down and studied Raito's face. "Oh." He said. "Don't thank me."

"Why?"

"Because I should have left you there."

Left me? Raito knew it was true, but damn did it sting. Defiantly, feeling insulted and hurt, he met Ryuzaki's gaze demanding, "Then why didn't you?"

Ryuzaki looked away, searching again for alcohol, unanswering.

"Nothing to say?" The teen asked.

"You should buy rubbing alcohol f you're going to be running around in your boxers higher than a kite and scratching holes in your face with what was probably a fork."

The teen's cheeks colored red. "I'm not hooked."

"Just…shut up. Please?"

Raito looked down at his hands and at the cigarette, the little flame burning dimly. "But I'm not."

Ryuzaki sighed. "You take drugs to escape. That is a dependant. And the beginning of an addiction."

"Not really. I've only tried-"

"It is!" He yelled harshly, causing the teen to jump. Ryuzaki had finally broke from the wait of his emotions, "Raito you are _not _stupid. You are not an easily misguided teen. You see how the world really works. Moreover, do not think you can fool me with your little acting abilities. Do not think I am just like every other sucker out there who will buy any word that comes out of your pretty lips. Just shut up."

Insulted and hurt, Raito stood on his feet brushing Ryuzaki's hand away from his face. He was shorter and not quite as strong, but his eyes were colder. "You are standing in _my_ place. Or have you forgotten?"

Ryuzaki smirked. "Your place? Oh yes, this tiny little apartment with its cheap wallpaper and its one bedroom and its stained carpet truly is 'a place'. May I suggest you go _home_? Home. Where your two parents who love you live. Home where your baby sister still needs you. Home where there are photos on the wall and a warm meal on the table. You ran away from all of that. Can I ask Raito why?"

"You don't know anything! You come out of nowhere and expect me to pore out my heart to you? Who are you? You said you lied. You said you were not sent by the court or my father, but by yourself. Who are you?"

"I'm-" He stopped himself. He could hear Ryuk chuckling, waiting anxiously. "I'm, just a guy. I like you."

"So you've told me."

The two stared each other down for what seemed like an eternity. Finally Ryuzaki broke. "Raito… I'll go." He turned, and headed out the door before had a chance to say anything he would regret later.

Raito watched him go, glad to see him leave. Glad to see him walk out of his life. Who the hell did this Ryuzaki think he was judging Raito when he didn't even know him?

And yet.

Raito didn't want him to go. The room suddenly seemed colder without Ryuzaki there. Suddenly seemed lonelier. Suddenly felt empty. "Wait!" But Ryuzaki was opening the front door. Raito didn't want him to go, to leave him there. "Hey!" Raito swallowed his pride, tossed his cigarette onto the floor stomping it out and forced his feet to move. "Hey, wait!" Raito ran out of the bathroom fast as he could.

Hand on the door handle, Ryuzaki paused and turned back to the boy with a somber look. "Yes?"

Raito's steps came to a halt as he met Ryuzaki's gaze. Those piercing black eyes… He heard himself asking, _Have we met before? _That dark hair, he thought. The curve of those thin lips. _Do I know you?_

With a confused look of shock, Raito whispered fully realizing, "You're the one who picked up that notebook. The one I saw in the school yard that day."


	11. I love you, I think

Chapter eleven: I love you, I think.

L let go of the door handle. His thoughts were too far away to grasp. He was stunned that the boy could remember a tiny moment in his teenage years that shouldn't have ever amounted to anything.

L's silence confirmed it for Raito. He spoke softer, stepping up closer to L, his bottom lip trembling as confessed, "I'd forgotten all about that…..but that is not when we met. And we _have _met before, haven't we?"

When L said nothing again, Raito continued eagerly, " It's the only explanation that makes any sense. The only explanation for why I…" He seemed to be choking on his next words, "Why I feel so safe with you. How I could feel _close_ to you when I don't know a single thing about you and how you piss me off so easily." Raito gave a shaky laugh before biting his bottom lip, showing insecurity.

The distance between them was closed as L took a step closer to the boy. L could feel Raito's warm breath blowing against his lips now they were only an inch apart. The boy was shaking yet he looked so brave. L didn't interrupt a second as Raito continued talking, slowly getting out his words as little tears of fear trickled down his cheeks.

"I don't know how…and I don't really care, but, somehow, in some weird way, I think I know that your name isn't really Ryuzaki. It's something with an L in it. I think. I don't know why you'd lie about your name but… I don't know. I'm just talking now. I don't even know what I'm saying really."

Their eyes met and held for one solitary beat before L realized what was happening. Raito placed a hand on the back of L's head and pulled the old man down towards him. Raito kissed L, his lips pressing against his with an intense force.

It took an instant for L's brain to register what was happening, and then he pulled the boy against him, wrapping his arms around his thin waist. He could smell a trace of cologne, and as they stood on the steps kissing deeply, L felt his senses come alive. He had him. He had Raito in his arms like he wanted. He had done it. Completely different than their one night stand, he had brought the teenager back to life and captured him in his arms.

He kissed Raito deeper at that very thought, and when the boy tried to pull back for some air L only tightened his grip on his waist and kissed him again, leisurely exploring the tanned neck and collarbone before rising to meet those soft, pink lips again. Raito ran his hands over L's shoulders and chest, feeling the strength in those arms that held him so good and tight.

They kissed for a long time before Raito managed to brake away and take L's hand. He led L back into the bedroom. "I don't know who your are." He said absentmindedly. "But…" The teen continued, looking up into L's dark, black pools for eyes. "You'll be here when I wake…won't you?"

It wasn't a question, not really. More of a confirmation. Raito knew somewhere inside of him that this stranger, this man who had entered his life out of nowhere, would always be there.

"I'll always be here, Raito."

Raito released a shaky breath. He had failed to flip the light switch off when they came in, leaving the room bathed in a bright yellow light. L didn't object because he wanted to see every square inch of this teenagers body.

With his back to the bed and a smile etched onto his face, Raito slowly crossed his arms, lifting his pajama top over his head. L watched the silky fabric slide up his tanned belly, followed by his bare chest. Raito was so beautiful. L couldn't believe this was happening again.

Unable to stop himself, he wrapped his arms around the boy, crushing their lips together. They kissed until both were panting. Raito was like a drug he could never get enough of. As their lips finally pulled apart for air, L's mouth dropped down to devour the boy's neck and collar bone.

Raito's head was tilted, giving the man as much room as he needed to explore his neck with his tongue. It felt so incredible that he felt like he was losing all control of his senses. He let Ryuzaki's hands and tongue wash away everything.

With out warning L's lips came crashing down on Raito's again, his tongue swirling with Raito's. Both men were lost completely in each other.

L finally stepped back to remove his shirt. When he did, Raito stared in awe at the smooth chest. He'd seen it not long ago, but now, in the light, it was like looking at it for the first time. The skin was so pale but the chest was perfectly sculpted in abs… It made Raito blush to think how smooth and broad shouldered Ryuzaki was compared to Raito. Raito was tanned but he wasn't covered in quite as many muscles. Ryuzaki was fit with absolutely no fat on him at all it while Raito still contained bits of baby fat.

L used his finger to lift Raito's chin and force the boy to look at him. "My name is Lawliet."

Raito felt his throat constrict. Water was burning in his eyes. Ryuzaki-no, Lawliet- was giving Raito an opportunity to open up and reveal his secrets and his past without having to expose himself alone. Grateful to this man, he whispered shamefully, "I'm addicted to crystal meth."

L smiled. Raito was willing to play along. "I'm a private detective. I graduated from Harvard. I've never had another job."

"I'm a law student. And a waiter at a strip club. I also work for a man named Tyson delivering shady packages."

"My parents died when I was very young from a tragic accident. Too young to really remember their faces or what they were like."

"My father is never home. He's always working on a case." A tear finally broke lose and dribbled it's way down the boy's cheek and chin. "I tell him I hate him but I secretly want to be just like him."

L wondered if the boy ever told Soichiro this. It might do some good. "I grew up in an orphanage raised by a man far too old to be anyone's father substitute. I was taught proper morals and values but no one was ever really there for me."

"I was taught justice is everything."

"The loneliness made me cold and insensitive to others feelings."

"I'm spoiled and selfish."

L smiled again. He couldn't help it. How much pride did the boy need to swallow hard to get that confession out? "I lie. Often. To get the truth out of others. Even if it hurts them, if it means I can solve a case."

"I lie to keep people…from really getting to know me. So they can't judge me."

"I have a scar on the bottom of my left foot." L confessed truthfully. "One wouldn't see it unless they were looking specifically for it."

Raito gulped, he knew the conversation was heading this way but…he wasn't prepared. "I have a…sc-scar." He stuttered. "On my, uhm, back."

L nodded to encourage him. "It's okay." He whispered, tightening his arms around Raito's waist. L said, "I wasn't wearing shoes the day I got it. I hate shoes."

"I was in the alley behind the comic store. I wasn't suppose to be there."

"I was walking along the beach. Broken bottles, rocks, and just garbage in general was scattered on the shore."

"Three men on motorcycles were trying to rape a girl. My father always taught me justice. Impounded it into my brain I guess you could say.. So I thought I could stop them."

"I wasn't looking where I was going…I slipped on a rock and when I tried to stand back up, I stepped on a piece of broken glass."

L looked in Raito's eyes, waiting. He said gently, "It is Raito's turn."

Raito looked down at his feet, remembering that night and wondering what this man must think of him now. Any normal man would have walked out by now. Raito was a disaster. A shipwreck. You can't save a sinking ship… Raito wondered, if it was at all possible for this man to, well to love him. Raito knew he loved this man. He didn't know how but he did. "Can I call you Lawliet now?"

"No."

"But-"

"Not in public."

The boy smiled which made L smile. Raito asked, "Just in here?"

"Just when we are alone."

Raito felt his cheeks blush at that. He said the name out loud, "Lawliet. What's your last-"

"It is Raito's turn."

The boy sighed then breathed in deep. "They were bigger than me. They beat me up. Threw me against some boxes and trash…one of the boxes had a jug. It was filled with gasoline."

Gasoline. L forced himself to take his turn even though he'd much rather shake Raito and demand what in Gods name did those men do to him. "The glass was from a broken beer bottle. It split my skin open four centimeters deep."

"This guy lit a match. On purpose."

Unable to control himself any longer, L tightened his grip on Raito waist and squeezed the teen to his chest. L said, " I bled everywhere. I was six and I thought I was gong to lose my foot. A nun at the orphanage took me to my room I shared with four others and bandaged the wound."

"I was thinking I was going to die. No one found me. I rolled in the alley till the fire on my clothes went out. I was too scared to go home so I just ran to the emergency room. I gave a fake name."

L couldn't believe this story. "They didn't recognize you? You're the son of the chief of the NPA. Your father is well known. _You_, with your high scores, are well known."

"They might have if…"

"If?"

"My face. It was pretty beat up. My lip and nose were busted. I had a black eye. I don't think my own mother would have recognized me that night."

L could have cried. He realized he was holding his breath and released it with a sigh. "Raito…" Slowly, L was able to piece things together. "The problems between you and your father. You blame him, don't you? You blame him for that night."

Raito started to shake his head, to disagree. He wanted to say no that his father wasn't even there…but he couldn't. "He taught me justice. He taught me to fight for it. I never would have tried to help her otherwise. I'm sorry. You don't want to know all this."

"I do. I want to know everything."

Raito pulled free and away from L. "Lawliet…" It felt weird saying a different name, and yet it felt like a puzzle piece had just fallen into place. "..I'm not a good person. I use to be but… I don't know. Life got to me, I guess. You don't have to stay. I won't hold it against you if you chose to leave now. Just know that, I want you to stay. I'd like it if- "

"Raito I am not going anywhere. You need to believe that." _I gave up half of my life to come here to save you, there is no way I am turning back now_. L took Raito's hand and led him to the bed, pushing him down gently onto the sheets saying, "I'm going to go wherever you go. And I will not allow another soul to hurt you. I promise you."

Laying on his back, his breathing heavy and slightly strained, Raito looked up at the man who had come from out of his dreams. With his lips slightly parted and his brows furrowed making him look vulnerable, Raito admitted, "I think I'm in love with you."

At the sound of those words, L came to devour the boy's mouth once more. Ratio arched his back under L's wait. L tried to study and memorize every piece of Raito's body that he touched. As the boy wrapped his legs around his back, he whispered words into Raito's ears that he could never have spoken before the Time Note.

Author Note: Hope you found these last chapters interesting cause the story is not over yet :) To be continued...


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